


Of Wolves and Lambs

by HelloTragic



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Other character's revealed in time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-22 14:23:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15583866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelloTragic/pseuds/HelloTragic
Summary: Killian Jones has known a lifetime’s worth of pain. He’s lost everyone he’s ever cared about, but when the love of his life is murdered, he vows that nothing will stop him from getting his revenge. Even if it means losing his soul to do so.What starts off as a simple quest for revenge turns into a world filled with secrets and lies. Nothing is what he thought, and no one seems to be who he thought.





	1. The End

**Author's Note:**

> So this was actually the first CS fic I ever worked on and, while many of you have probably never read it, I’ve been toying with the idea of finishing it, but that completely depends on reader response.

 

The Nolan family plot had grown throughout the years. It began with the loss of David’s father when he was young. The same bottle that had stolen him away from David night after night had finally stolen him away forever. Each year after his death, David and his mother Ruth had set aside one day to go and visit his grave. They would try to make it more often, but life had a knack for getting in the way. Even if David’s father had been cruel more often than he had been kind, David couldn’t help but love and miss his father.

 

It hadn’t always been bad, and even when it was, things could have been much worse. David’s father had never so much as lifted a hand to David or Ruth. Instead, he cut them down emotionally with his drunken words. The following mornings though would be fill with apologies and promises to stay sober. There would be pancakes and special outings between father and son to make amends. Those days were good, really good, and David made sure to hold those memories close to his heart.

 

That’s why David and Ruth vowed that every year they would make it there on his father’s birthday no matter what. They brought flowers and balloons to celebrate his life, along with a single cupcake to be left on his headstone. They would also visit the tiny spot next to it, the one for David’s twin brother James, who died just after birth. While David’s father would never admit it, he was sure that his brother’s death was what led him to drink. 

 

* * *

 

 

When David was fifteen, Emma Swan blew into his life like a tornado. She was a breath of fresh air that reawakened something in his house. David had seen her around school, and knew that she was a foster kid. Generally he would catch her sitting in a corner by herself at lunchtime reading a book. While he didn’t join in with the other kids who gossiped about her in the hallways, he also didn’t have anything in common with her so he let her be. Sure, there were stories about how she came to live in the house on the crappy side of town, none of them flattering, but David didn’t take much stock in that type of thing.

 

It wasn’t until he walked in on her in the gym fighting another classmate, defending a smaller boy, that David realized that Emma wasn’t the scared shy little girl everyone seemed to think she was. Emma had spunk. When he saw what was happening he rushed forward to help her, but stopped a few feet short of her when he realized that she didn’t need him. She was more than capable of taking care of herself. She had won the fight without throwing a single punch. It had ended with the bully flat on his face with his arm wrenched behind him as he cried out in pain. His cries had caught the attention of a few faculty members who immediately deemed Emma at fault as the instigator of the fight. When they pulled Emma off of the boy they told her that they knew she was trouble and they were going to make sure that she’d be expelled permanently. If David hadn’t come to her defense and argued on her behalf so adamantly that’s probably exactly what would have happened.

 

Emma begrudgingly thanked him, explaining that she wasn’t used to people helping her. It was in that moment that David realized that Emma would become important to him, and he to her. David befriended Emma, slowly. She was skittish, and slow to trust anyone but he was patient and persistent.

 

Seven months later Emma informed David that she was leaving town, not by choice of course. She had never had much say in her living arrangements, but refused to let David pity her. 

 

She told David that she would do her best to keep in touch when she got to her next foster home, and he made her promise that she would come over for dinner one last time. She acquiesced; after all, it was their thing. By their fourth month of friendship Emma was spending more time at David’s house than her own, and only missed dinner one day a month. That was the day the social worker came over to check in on Emma, and her foster parents put on a show to prove that they were earning their monthly checks from the state of Massachusetts.

 

On Emma’s last day of school, David skipped his final class and told Emma that he’d meet her at his place after school. David had rushed to his mother’s office to explain that Emma was being sent away as he begged Ruth to let Emma move in with them. Ruth told him she would see what she could do but that he shouldn’t get Emma’s hopes up. When Emma left after dinner that night, he was so sure that she’d come to live there the next morning that he only gave her a quick goodbye. It wasn’t proper, it wasn’t the goodbye she deserved from him after all that time, but he knew in his heart that he’d see her waiting for him in front of school the next day. What David couldn’t know was that it wasn’t that simple.

 

The state had already prepared all of the proper documents to have Emma sent to a group home half way across the state. What he couldn’t know is that her caseworker decided to get an early start on Emma’s transfer and had actually picked her up right after she left David’s the night before. She was there and then she wasn’t, and his heart broke when he walked up to the front yard and her spot against the railing was empty.

 

It took three months of fighting tooth and nail for Ruth to bring Emma home where she belonged. When they finally got Emma back, David couldn’t help but notice that she seemed less shiny. He thought she’d be excited to be home, to have a room that was all hers to decorate however she wanted. David couldn’t figure out what was going on with her, but he knew that something in the last three months had killed her fire. He begged her to talk to him, but she shut him out. She’d go to school, go home and do her homework, eat dinner, and then lock herself away in her room. David missed the ferocity she once held, and he was willing to do anything to relight those embers.

 

He tried and tried, but she had built up walls that were indestructible. Eventually David had had enough though. He couldn’t take it anymore. She was a shell of her former self and he missed his best friend dearly. On that day, when Emma came home she found that all of the doors in the house had been taken off their hinges. David told her he wouldn’t allow her to run anymore, that she couldn’t hide and shut him out anymore. She broke down and cried for what felt like an eternity. They slumped against a wall in her bedroom next to each other, and after an unbearable silence she finally spoke. She told him she couldn’t let him in because it was only a matter of time before he and Ruth realized they had made a mistake. She said that eventually they’d send her away just like everyone else, and if she let him in, that when the time came to send her back, it would destroy her. David broke. He had always seen her as a force to be reckoned with. She had always had this intense confidence, and he never would have guess that inside she was so scared and lonely. He promised her that they would never abandon her. He told her that she was his sister now, and that family stuck together.

 

It took time, a painstaking amount of time, before Emma finally started to lower her walls. It was on Emma’s sixteenth birthday that she officially became part of the family. The process to adopt Emma hadn’t been difficult, but it had been long and tedious. Every time they saw a light at the end of the tunnel, they were greeted with more paperwork.

 

It took over a year to finalize, and when asked by the judge if she wanted to change her last name to Nolan, Emma declined. She told the judge that while she appreciated everything the Nolan’s had done for her that it would be easier to remain a Swan. All of her school and medical records had her down as Swan and it would have been far to much work to explain it to people. She also told him a name was meaningless in the grand scheme of things, they were family now, and one single word wouldn’t change that. Emma had seen how hard Ruth and David had worked to keep her, and she realized that it was because they wanted her, something she had never experienced before.

 

When David went off to college he decided to move into the dorms. He said it would be easier to get around campus and it was a right of passage of sorts. He had chosen to stay local and Emma was grateful. It was hard enough having him across town; she couldn’t stand the thought of him across the country. As the year went by, David had made friends. He didn’t come home as often as Emma would have liked but she understood that he had already given up so much of himself for her, and he needed this for himself. He promised Emma that when she started school with him the next year that they’d get a place together just off campus. She wasn’t as sure of his promise as he was. David made friends very easily, and she knew that they’d want David to live with them the next year.

 

He still made it home for Sunday dinner, and he began to bring home another stray as he affectionately put it. His name was Killian Jones. He had moved to Boston from England to study mechanical engineering and was randomly selected as David’s dorm mate. David knew he didn’t know many people in town and forced him to come to their weekly family dinner.

 

The first time David brought Killian home, Emma had been absent. She had been absent the next two times as well. Ruth explained that she was out with August getting into who knows what kind of mischief. David had met August once or twice, and while David didn’t dislike him, he wasn’t a huge fan of Emma spending vast amounts of time with him. August had been a foster kid too, and had spent time in a home with Emma years ago before landing in a more permanent place a few roads down. Since David had left, Emma and August had practically become inseparable. Perhaps that’s why David didn’t love the idea of them together. He felt as if August was going to replace him in Emma’s life.

 

The fourth time David brought Killian home, he was shocked to see Emma in the dinning room helping Ruth set the table.

 

“Do I know you? You seem vaguely familiar?” He meant it as a joke but the words came out a bit more accusatory than he meant for them to, and the smile Emma had plastered to her face upon seeing him fell.

 

He introduced Killian to Emma but she barely acknowledged his presence. She was quiet all through dinner while David told her and Ruth about a girl he started dating that lived down the hall from his dorm room.

 

David probed Emma with questions about school and she gave him only one-word answers. It hurt him knowing that she was shutting him out again. Each question he asked filled her with more and more rage. Realizing that Emma must have been jealous about him spending so much time with a new girl he asked if her foul disposition had something to do with Mary Margaret. Emma wanted to scream, and he could see it. Over the years he had learned what each silent facial expression meant, and he knew she was about to blow. Instead Emma calmly asked Ruth if should could be excused. When Ruth nodded in agreement, Emma stood, looking to Killian with a weak smile and told him that it was nice to meet him. With that she was off and out the front door.

 

David sighed and apologized to Killian for Emma’s behavior. Ruth let out an eerie laugh, one David had never heard before.

 

“You think Emma was the problem tonight,” she asked him cautiously. Ruth didn’t say anymore and instead picked up some dishes from the table and took them to the kitchen.

 

David shot Killian another apologetic look and followed his mother into the kitchen. Ruth was quiet, and David knew that she was disappointed in him, but he wasn’t sure why. Finally she asked David if he could put the leftovers in the fridge. He smiled in return feeling a bit victorious that she had broken the silence first. He grabbed a dish and opened the fridge door to stick it in. When the door closed with a little more force than he meant for it too, a small calendar fell from the fridge. He bent over to pick it up and flipped through it trying to find October. As he made his way through each month, he saw it plain as day.

 

September 24th, circled in both red and black markers. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks and the air was forced from his lungs. He had been so engrossed in his new romance that he had missed the most important day of the year. His error was made even worse compounded by the fact that he had missed not only Emma’s seventeenth birthday, but her adoption day as well. Family Day. He looked up and Ruth and she gave him a small tearful smile, telling him that it was late and he should get back to the dorms. He gave her a small hug and promised that he would fix it. When he returned to the living room to gather his coat, Killian asked him if everything was okay and apologized if his presence had upset Emma. David assured him that it had nothing to do with him and that everything was his fault.

 

David called home everyday for two weeks after that but Emma had refused to speak with him. On the third week he had had enough again, and like before Emma returned home to find all of the doors missing. He pleaded with her to forgive him but she insisted that everything was fine. He knew she was holding it all in. He hoped if he could make her angry that she would open up without realizing it. He told her that it wasn’t fair of her to be angry that he had made new friends. He pushed her as far as he could but the dam never broke and it terrified him. She had written him off and he wasn’t sure that any amount of groveling would fix it this time.

 

He left in defeat but not before telling her that while it would always be the two of them against the world, it couldn’t always be just the two of them. Things between David and Emma were never the same after that. They would still do Sunday family dinners with Killian present, and from time to time Emma would go to the movies or to dinner with David at Ruth’s insistence, but she was distant. She kept him at an arms length and their conversations were superficial at best.

 

When Christmas time rolled around and he and Killian had to leave the dorms they found their way back to Ruth’s house. Killian’s older brother was deployed with the Royal Navy and Killian’s parents had died years earlier. He said it was pointless to go home so David did what he did best. He brought the stray home and made him part of the family. Over the next three weeks David couldn’t help but notice that something was blossoming between Killian and Emma. At first he attributed it to jealousy. He missed Emma, and for some reason she seemed to take to Killian easily, easier than she had taken to David and it irked him. Killian told David that he and Emma were somewhat kindred spirits. They had both lost their families and understood each other in a way others couldn’t. David felt there was more to it though. He noticed the way they watched each other when they the other wasn’t looking. They had inside jokes that he wasn’t a part of and late night conversations on the couch when neither of them could sleep. They had formed a bond that David would never have with Emma.

 

When it was time for the boys to return to their dorm in January, David had finally built up the courage to ask Killian if there was something more going on between him and his sister. Killian assured him that they were just friends but asked if it would bother him if he wanted there to be more. David knew Killian was a good guy. He kept himself out of trouble, avoided partying, kept good grades, and hadn’t dated often. David assumed that the last bit was just because Killian was so focused on school but now understood that Killian had developed feelings for Emma.

 

David let his jealous consume him when he answered. He told Killian that it would be a horrible idea and he made Killian promise that he would stay away from his sister.

 

The first family dinner back was awkward. David had built an invisible barrier between Killian and Emma. Anytime Killian spoke to Emma, he could feel David’s eyes boring into him. He kept his responses short and to the point after that. Emma’s mood seemed to sour as well.

 

Great, he thought to himself. It was bad enough he had inadvertently pushed her away, but now he was taking another person from her. That night he felt awful. He apologized to Killian and explained that while he still didn’t want them dating he didn’t want her to lose another friend.

 

David tried a few more times to apologize to Emma but again she assured him there was nothing to apologize for. She remained distant despite his best efforts and over time he gave up. He resigned himself to the idea that she was being selfish and there was nothing more he could do. He and Emma stopped talking aside from their weekly dinners.

 

Killian and Emma remained in contact on occasion, and Killian still didn’t date, even though he had multiple offers from a number of beautiful women. When David tried to set Killian up on a double date with his girlfriend’s roommate, Ruby Lucas, Killian had refused stating that he needed to focus on his studies.

 

The year went by quickly as April arrived. David had remembered Ruth mentioning that Emma had school visits coming up that month, but he hadn’t thought anything of it until he saw her sitting in his calculus class. Her councilor had suggested that with Emma’s advanced academic standing, it would be more beneficial if she immersed herself in a few courses instead of following the normal school tour. David winded though the auditorium seats with Killian following close behind and sat next to her. Before he could say anything she was on her feet mumbling an apology.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were in this class,” she said has she picked up her bag. “I can just go.”

 

Before she could turn to walk away David grabbed her arm and asked her to stay. Part of him missed her and wanted her to be there, if even for one hour. Another part knew that they had the hardest professor on campus and everyone was struggling in the course. He knew Emma was brilliant and was curious about what might happen when the professor called for answers.  
Every lecture there was one question posed by the professor that had stumped everyone in class. It was the same equation each week but with different numbers to keep students from cheating. The professor stated it was a simple equation and that if people were paying attention it shouldn’t take more than a few minutes to solve. Despite the best efforts of the some of the brightest students in class, the equation remained unsolved.

 

The ninety-minute lecture drug by, for everyone. David noticed how bored Emma looked every time he glanced over at her. Eventually, the unanswerable question was posed, and everyone in class groaned. A full two minutes passed by before David looked up from his notebook to see Emma passing a folded piece of paper to Killian. Killian took it, and when he opened it up his smile grew wide. Emma nudged her head towards to board and Killian silently stood up walking towards the front of the room with the paper. He watched as Killian picked up a black marker and wrote the answer down on the bored quickly before returning to his seat. When David looked back up to the front of the room he saw the professor look to the whiteboard. When she turned around to look up at Killian, she gave him a small nod and smiled. Everyone in the class seemed floored by Killian.

 

When the class was released, the professor called for Killian and David to come to the front of the room, and Emma followed them. The professor asked the boys who their friend was. David explained that she was his sister sitting in during a campus visit. The professor gave them a subtle grin and asked David and Killian to wait outside so she could have a private conversation with the girl who solved the equation. David’s jaw fell. He felt his palms become sweaty as nerves rushed through his body. He felt Killian tugging him out of the room into the hallway. 

 

David began pacing the moment the door closed. Killian assured him that everything would be fine. When David countered that he couldn’t possible know that, Killian reminded him that the professor had smiled, for the first time all year. It should have calmed David down but instead it did the opposite.

 

It was nearly forty-five minutes before Emma emerged from the classroom. David asked if she was all right and ask what had happened. Emma simply stated that they had talked. He knew Emma, and he knew that was all he would get from her. He hoped that maybe she might tell Killian later and he could get answers from his roommate, but she never spoke of it again.

 

The rest of the school year was over in the blink of an eye. When the summer came, Killian returned to England and David found himself back in his childhood room. He went to Emma’s high school graduation the first weekend he was home. The next morning he woke to find suitcases in the hallway. When the shock wore off he asked her what was happening. She pulled him into her room and sat him on the bed. She took a seat next to him.

 

She explained that he had been right before. It couldn’t just be the two of them forever. She told him that as a kid, she never really thought much of the future. She assumed that she would stay in the system until she aged out and then she get a crappy job and a crappy apartment and that just how life would be. Then she found the Nolan’s and everything changed. David helped her realize that there was more to life than just surviving from day to day. The problem though was that she didn’t know who she was outside of being the poor little foster girl the Nolan’s took in. She needed to leave to find herself. She was going to work with a group that helped provide clean drinking water to villages all over the world.

 

She left that afternoon and didn’t return for three years. She didn’t return until Ruth’s funeral, and then she left again, for seven more years.

 

Killian returned in the fall, moving into a house with David. Mary Margaret spent more time at the house with them than she did at her own apartment. When Killian learned that Emma had left, he became distant. He seemed distracted and his grades began to suffer. This time, when he went home for the holidays  he too didn’t return for many years.

 

Eventually Mary Margaret and David became serious, and David proposed using Ruth’s old wedding ring. They were married in a small ceremony with only a few close friends there to celebrate.

 

* * *

 

After Ruth died, David found himself making two trips each year. One of those days still reserved for his father, and now one for his mother’s birthday as well. Mary Margaret would accompany him both days, which David appreciated. His wife had always had such an optimistic point of view on life. Emma always had refused to go with David to visit his father. She said it was weird to go and mourn a man she never knew. Mary Margaret though said it was only fitting to honor the man who helped raise the love of her life.

 

Now they were there once again for the third time that year, bringing a single vanilla cupcake to lay on the headstone for Emma Swan. The spot had originally been saved for David, but he couldn’t bare the idea of leaving Emma to rest alone. She had been alone for far too long, and he needed her to be near family. Instead he bought two spaces one row up so that in time, he and his wife could still be near by.

 

David sighed to himself as he stood at the foot of Emma’s grave. Not nearly enough time had elapsed since her funeral and his emotions were still running over. The memories of the last month flooded through his mind as he stood there.

 


	2. Before the Fall

 

_One month earlier_

 

When Killian’s phone rang that morning he was exhausted, having already been woken up at two that morning to a phone call from the alarm company telling him that an alarm had been sounded at his home suggesting an intruder. Killian had lost enough sleep already. Now his phone was ringing again, for the third time in a row.

 

Killian groaned as he fumbled around the nightstand looking for it. Before he even looked at the screen he knew it wouldn’t be Emma. He couldn’t remember the last time she had woken up before ten in the morning. He squinted at the bright light to see David Nolan’s name plastered on the screen.

 

“Dave, it’s early. Go back to bed.” His words were low and raspy from sleep.

 

When David’s voice finally found it’s way through the phone, Killian knew something horrible had happened. David wasn’t one to panic. Killian was up and slipping into a pair of jeans that had been discarded to the floor in the early hours.

 

“Killian,” he choked out. “It’s...” David could barely get any words out through his sobs. He hadn’t even sounded this distraught when Ruth passed away. 

 

* * *

When David was able to compose himself enough to continue, the words cut through Killian like a knife. Emma was in an ambulance on her way to the hospital and it was bad. Killian didn’t hear any of what David said after that. Shock had set in and the world around him dulled. He was barely able to grab his keys and drive to the hospital.

 

He pulled into the first spot he could find not caring that it was reserved for hospital staff. Killian lived in town much closer to the hospital than Emma so it wasn’t shocking that he arrived before the ambulance. He stood at the ER doors for an eternity waiting for her to arrive. When the ambulance pulled up, nothing could have prepared him for the sight of her.

 

Her body was draped with a thin sheet, but even so she looked small and frail. She was covered in blood. Both her bottom and upper lip were split open and swollen. Beneath the blood her face was black and blue. One of her eyes was swollen completely shut and the other was following close behind it. Her breathing was shallow. Every breath she tried to take was followed with a horrible wheezing noise alerting him to the fact that at least one of her lungs had collapsed.

 

David jumped off the ambulance behind her and he was frantic. Killian tried to grab her hand but the paramedics pushed past him rushing her through a set of secured double doors. His eyes were still trained on the doors when David spoke up. “Mary Margaret is on her way.” His words were almost a whisper.

 

Killian whipped his head towards him with speed. “What the hell happened?”

 

David swallowed and paused before answering. “I left my phone at her house last night. I went by to pick it up before work and when I got to the door I heard music blaring from inside. I knocked but she didn’t answer so I used my spare key.” His voice broke. “I found her on the floor of the living room.” He looked down on the ground and fell silent. Killian didn’t need to hear anymore. He had seen her first hand and knew that she took a brutal beating.

 

He wasn’t sure how it happened but Killian and David found themselves slumped in two adjoined chairs in the waiting area. Mary Margaret arrived about twenty minutes later and David attempted to retell the story, but he couldn’t find the words. She joined them in the waiting room.

 

Ten minutes later Victor Whale emerged from the double doors and walked over to them. Victor had gone to college with them all, and while Killian hadn’t known him well their freshman year, the two had hit it off when Killian moved back to town a couple of years earlier.

 

“I can’t stay but I wanted to let you know we’re prepping her for surgery. Her left lung is collapsed, she has internal bleeding, and there’s some swelling in her brain. I’ll try to keep you guys updated as much as possible but you’ll want to settle in. It’s going to be a while.” Victor didn’t wait for a response before returning through the double doors.

 

More of their friends started arriving around noon. Ruby was there first, then Aurora with her husband Phillip, Jefferson, and even August who Emma hadn’t spoken to in five months.

 

They shared funny and ridiculous stories of Emma. Jefferson praised Emma for her ability to speak multiple languages fluently, especially when she was drunk and yelling at him in Russian. David chuckled and added that that was a new one. Emma had taught herself four languages before she came to live with him, and had apparently picked up a few more while she was traveling the world for work. Ruby and Aurora reminded them of the time she decked a guy at the bar for grabbing her ass.

 

Killian looked up to find David’s face contorted.

 

“Dave, she’s going to be okay. She’s a fighter.” He wasn’t sure that he believed his own words, but hoped that saying them out loud would help ease his mind a bit.

 

“That’s the problem.” Everyone turned to look at him. Killian’s brows furrowed as he realized where David was going with this. “You’re right, all of you. Emma is a fighter. She has been since the day I met her. She can hold her own, but when I found her, there were no defensive wounds. She didn’t fight back.”

 

Killian knew that David’s cop training taught him to look for that type of thing in victims, but he was stunned that David had been able retain that information in this case.

 

David continued. “And when I arrived, the doors were both locked. There were no signs of forced entry, so whoever it was must have been let in by her.”

 

The group fell silent. Killian couldn’t help the images in his head. Her attacker must have taken her by surprise and easily overpowered her. He tried to purge the visions of her being beaten, but his imagination was running rampant.

 

It was four in the afternoon before Victor reemerged. He was wringing his hands together and his pace was slow as if he were walking to his death. Killian knew whatever he was going to say wouldn’t be good.

 

“She’s alive. I’ll start with that.” Killian breathed a sigh of relief and felt David straighten up beside him.

 

“Can we see her,” David interjected before Victor could finish speaking.

 

“In a little bit, yes. But David...” Victor’s words trailed off as he attempted to steel himself for what was to come. “It’s bad. Like I said, she’s alive, for now, but it’s a waiting game. She’s sustained a lot of injuries and you need to be prepared for when you see her. There was a lot of brain swelling by the time we got in there so we had to remove a portion of her skull. She had some broken ribs, one of which punctured a lung so she’s going to have tubes coming out of her chest and a machine is helping her breath right now. Her right arm was broken in two places. She had stab wounds in both of her legs.”

 

Killian could feel the blood draining from his face. He knew that she had been attacked, but this was torture. Someone purposefully took the time to inflict as much pain as humanly possible.

 

“Right now my biggest concern is that she still has some internal bleeding and we’re not sure where it’s coming from,” Victor continued.

 

“Then why are you out here?” Killian surprised himself with the force behind his words. “Why aren't you in there right now bloody fixing it?”

 

Victor put both of his hands up in what appeared to be a sign of defeat.

 

“Killian,” he’s words were slow, as if he was approaching a startled animal. “Her body was in shock. If I try to go back in right now to find the source, it will kill her. Like I said, it’s a waiting game. I need her to be stronger first. “

 

“And if she bleeds out in the mean time?” It was David who spoke up next.

 

It was a question Victor wasn’t willing, or wasn’t able to bring himself to answer.

 

“I’m going to do everything humanly possible for her.”

 

There was a long pause and everyone attempted to digest everything Whale had told them.

 

“There’s one more thing, and I hate to ask but I have to. It’s hospital policy for us to pull a rape kit in a situation like this. Do you know if Emma was sexual active with anyone?” Killian could feel the hesitation in Victor’s voice.

 

“Not that I know of but it’s not the type of thing I talk about with my sister.” David seemed mortified by the entire idea.

 

Killian felt the bile rise in his throat. He kept his head down and his words were almost a whisper. “She was.”

 

David snapped his head at him. “How would you...” The words fell short.

 

The words felt like a betrayal in Killian’s mouth for more than one reason. Sure, David had explicitly told him to stay away from Emma numerous times but the real injustice was for Emma. Emma was the one who had wanted to keep their relationship a secret, and now it was out there, exposed to the world.

 

“Get out.” David’s words were low but had a growl behind them.

 

Killian looked at him and saw nothing but rage in his eyes. Before either of them could say anything more a nurse had come forward.

 

“Emma Swan's family I presume?” There was a beat of silence before Mary Margaret spoke up with a simple yes.

 

“We have Miss Swan up in ICU right now. She can have visitors but only two of you at a time.”

 

David immediately pulled Mary Margaret with him to follow the nurse. He was almost to the double doors before he turned back.

 

“When I come back out here I want him gone,” he said to Victor. “As Emma’s next of kin I believe that makes me her guardian right now, and under no circumstances his he allowed to see her.” David turned back around and disappeared through the doors.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feel free to come yell at me on tumblr: wellhellotragic


	3. Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love that I used to think 2K was a long chapter ahahahaha

 

Killian stood there frozen in time. He knew that when David eventually found out that he would be upset, but he never could have predicted such a callous response. This wasn’t the way he was supposed to have learned about it. Emma should have been there by his side, so David could see that they weren’t just two horny teenagers screwing around. David was supposed to see the way they looked at each other, with so much love and adoration. 

 

“He can’t be serious!” Killian looked towards Victor for his reaction. Victor instead tilted his head downwards, refusing to meet his intense stare. 

 

“Killian,” was all he managed to get out before Killian interrupted him. “Wait, he can’t actually keep me out of there can he?”  


 

Victor kept his eyes trained on the floor. 

 

It was Ruby that spoke up next as she walked up to Victor and put her hand on his chest. “Victor, I know what David said but you know Emma. If there was only one person that she could have in there with her right now it would be him and you know it.” Her words we soft but commanding. 

 

Victor took in a long breath. “I’m sorry Killian. If he doesn’t want you in there, then there’s nothing I can do. Rules are rules.” 

 

The pure rage coursing through his body at that point almost caused Killian to see red. He looked around for anything that could he could take his anger out on. There was Victor obviously. It would be easy to throw punch after punch his way, but knowing he was likely the only one keeping Emma alive right now, he thought better of it. 

 

Next his eyes landed on August. He had wanted to knock August around for months, without any good explanation of why. He had noticed awhile back that Emma had suddenly distanced herself from August, after years of tight knit friendship. He had suspected that Emma and August had been more that friends when she came home to Boston, but he could never prove it. When he had confronted Emma about it, she simply said that August had done the one thing she couldn’t forgive. When he asked her if he had cheated, Emma only gave him silence in reply, but the look in her eyes said enough. 

 

Yes, He would happily launch himself at August, except he finally thought better of it too. He had already revealed enough of Emma’s secrets that day and couldn’t bare to expose another one without her consent. Instead he found himself a nice little chunk of the wall. 

 

Aurora and Ruby both let out a gasp while Phillip just raised his eyebrows at them, letting them know that he agreed with Killian’s actions. August stood up and tried to calm Killian, which only irritated him more. 

 

“Hey man, I know you and Emma are close and as soon as we hear anything I’ll let you know,” August told him. 

 

Killian’s laugh was more like a snarl. “You’ll let me know. _You_?” His laugh had become frightening. “Why are you even here? Emma hasn’t spoken to you or about you in nearly five months now.” 

 

“Hey, that’s not fair,” August tried to interject. 

 

“No, you don’t get to talk right now. I’m not completely certain what you did but I have my suspicions. What I do know is that you get no say in this matter!” 

 

Killian was closing in on August with every word he growled out. Just as he was close enough for his fist to make contact with August's face though, hospital security arrived. 

 

There where two guards. One looked as if he were straight out of high school, and could easily been scared by his own shadow. The other was a bit more along in age, and more than a bit round in the waist measurement as well. 

 

“Do we have a problem here gentlemen?” asked the plumper one. 

 

Before anyone else could get in another word, Victor spoke up. “No, it was just a misunderstanding right?” Victor’s words weren’t really a question as much as a warning to both of them. “I think both of these gentlemen were about to leave the hospital grounds.” 

 

Ruby could see the fight building in Killian at the suggestion that he leave so she grabbed his arm and drug him to a corner of the waiting room. 

 

“I know you don’t want to leave,” Ruby said. She lifted her hand to his chin to force him to look at her. “Hey, I need you to look at me. I need to know that you’re understanding me.” She took a moment to look for a sign that he was listening to her and she must have found it because she continued. “I know that you don’t want to leave. If I were you, a pack of wild dogs couldn’t chase me away from her, but you getting arrested isn’t going to get you to her bedside any faster. Go home. Get whatever rest you can. Do whatever you need to do, but stay out of trouble. I’ll work on David and I won’t let up until he lets you see her. You have my word.” 

 

Killian knew that Ruby was correct about getting thrown in jail. If David were armed with the knowledge that he had been in an altercation involving security personal, David would have found an excuse to have him locked up in a cell for as long as possible just to keep him away from Emma. He also knew that Ruby’s word was a good as gold. She may not be able to change David’s mind, but she would go to her grave trying. 

 

Killian looked around the room. Ashley seemed frightened as Phillip held her closer. Ruby was resolved that he was leaving for the time being. Victor was back to staring at the same two inches of carpet, and August looked like he was about to shit himself, which was the only consolation for the day thus far. Jefferson was the lone man out who hadn’t made a comment on the subject. 

 

Killian had always admired Jefferson for his ability to sit back a watch a situation. It wasn’t that he was a coward trying to avoid a confrontation. No, Jefferson was simply a man who liked to make an informed decision about where he stood on an issue. No one in town knew much about him, and if Emma did she didn’t let on. He was another stray that had become part of their family, although Emma had taken to calling Killian and Jefferson lost boys. She was one too. They were orphans who had wandered aimlessly, but somehow they found each other and found their way in the process. 

 

Emma had known Jefferson from her time working with her non-profit. They had traveled all over the country, and Emma said that he didn’t like talking about his past and she wasn’t going to push it. About six month ago, Jefferson and Graham, another man who worked with them had come to visit Emma. While Graham had only stayed for a week before leaving abruptly, Jefferson saw Boston and decided that he was tired of always being on the move. He was ready to try putting down roots, and it would be nice to have a familiar face around. He was easy to get along with, and protective of Emma without overstepping his bounds, which Killian respected. 

 

Killian could feel the ticking of his jaw, and knew that he was losing the battle. It was then that Jefferson stood up and walked over to Killian. He stood chest to chest with Killian leaning over to whisper something in his ear so that no one else could hear. 

 

“Look, I know about you two, have for awhile now. I know that whatever this is, she takes it very seriously. In my opinion, this whole situation is shit. She and David only spoke a total of three times while she was away, and he isn’t the one that should be making any decisions on her behalf if you ask me. Go home and cool off and let me see if there’s anything I can do.” 

 

Jefferson pulled back to look Killian in the eyes. Killian wouldn’t meet his gaze at first. Instead his eyes joined Victors on the carpet. Finally he let out a sigh and admitted defeat to himself. He raised his face and caught Jefferson’s eyes. Killian nodded slightly in agreement. 

 

“Fine, but swear to me, if you hear anything, you’ll let me know.” Killian’s words were loud enough for everyone in their group to hear but they were directed at Jefferson. He was the person he most trusted in the room. 

 

Jefferson nodded, “I swear on my daughter’s grave.” 

 

Jefferson had never spoken of any family before, much less a child and Killian understood his’s words for what they were. It was his way of telling him that he knew loss, and understood the pain that Killian was going through. In his own way, he considered Killian a kindred spirit, just as Killian had found a much younger Emma to be one, and Jefferson wouldn’t let him down. 

 

Killian nodded in acceptance. He found that during his chat with Jefferson, August had made a cowardly retreat, as he was nowhere to be found. Killian turned and meandered down the hallways until he found the exit. He made his way to the parking lot where his car was waiting with a freshly scratched out parking ticket. Killian riped the ticket out from underneath his windshield wiper and threw it on the floorboard of his truck. 

 

The drive back to Killian’s brownstone felt like an eternity as images of Emma flashed through his head. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes but refused to let them fall. Tears were reserved for loss, and Emma wasn’t gone, not yet. He mentally berated himself for even allowing himself to think that last bit. 

 

As Killian pulled up to his house he couldn’t help but feel slightly agitated that his neighbor hadn’t commandeered his parking space again. It had all started when the new neighbor had parked there accidentally. Then the new neighbor started to have weekend parties and his guest would steal the spot. Killian was willing to let it be as he didn’t mind the walk, but Emma couldn’t help herself. If she was staying overnight and looked out the window to find the neighbors spot empty, she would run and grab her bug from around the corner to take the spot. At one point, the neighbor had left his car in Killian's spot for over a week while he was out of town and Emma had the tiny car towed. It had become an all out war after that. A part of Killian had hoped that the neighbor would be there just so he could pick a fight with someone. 

 

Instead Killian pulled into the spot and turned off the engine. As he started to step out though, he thought better and stepped back in. He started the engine back up and rolled back out four feet so that his truck was taking up both spaces. If Emma couldn’t be there, he would just have to do something in her honor. He killed the engine again and got out, locking the truck behind him. He walked up the eleven steps to his front door and just as he was about to insert his key into the front lock he noticed a little note that had been jammed into his mail slot. He grabbed the note with the intention of reading it when a text alert came though on his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket and found a text from Victor. 

 

Visiting hours are over at nine. I’ll make sure David leaves right after. Come by around ten just to be safe and I’ll sneak you in. Needless to say no one can know about this. -V 

 

Killian smiled a bit as his placed his phone back in his pocket and made his way through the door. 

 

Once inside he slid his shoes off and tossed his keys into a bowl that he kept on a table near the door. He went into his living room with the note in his hand and plopped down on the couch. He closed his eyes and brought his right hand up to pinch the bridge up his nose. He took a few deep breaths in and out in an effort to calm himself. Knowing that he would finally get to see Emma helped him find peace for the first time all day. 

 

When he felt his heart rate even out a bit he returned his attention to the note. It was a plain white sheet that had been folded in on itself twice with no indication of who it was from on the outside. When he unfolded it and read the words inside, his heart leapt out of his chest. Panic coursed through his veins and before he could think he was dialing a number. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feel free to come yell at me on tumblr: wellhellotragic


	4. We All Fall Down

 

Killian was amazed at the speed with which he was able to dial so many numbers. Especially given the amount of time that had passed since he used that particular emergency line last. When the other end of the line clicked on, he didn’t even wait for anyone to greet him. 

 

“Robin,” Killian spat out. 

 

A groggy voice came over the phone. “Jesus, Jones, it’s two in the morning here. This better be good.” 

 

When Killian dialed the number, he hadn't even given any thought to the time difference, but now, as Robin's words stirred in his head, he realized that Robin wasn't at home in London as he though. He must have been deployed somewhere. 

 

“Robin,” he said again. “He’s back.” Killian could barely manage to form words at that point, much less string together a coherent train of thought. 

 

“What?” Robin’s tone told Killian that he was frustrated and tired and just wanted to hang-up and go back to sleep. “Who’s back?” 

 

“Who do you bloody think?” Killian’s panic level was still high. 

 

“What?” Robin asked again, although he sounded a bit more alert now. “Wait, are you talking about...” Robin trailed off at that line of thought. “Jones, he’s gone, burred under two tons of rubble. We got him. We got both of them. You were there, you saw first hand. They’re both dead.” 

 

Killian’s own frustrations were at an all time high. “That’s what I thought too but he’s alive, and he’s here in Boston!” 

 

“What are you talking about?” 

 

“Robin, he attacked Emma and left her within an inch of her life. Even left me a nice little message confessing to it by my front door.” He hoped that Robin couldn’t hear the sobs creeping through his words. 

 

“Bollocks. Okay, first things first. Is Emma going to be alright,” Robin asked. 

 

“Honestly I have no idea. She’s in the ICU right now and her brother won’t let me see her, but I’m going back up there tonight after he’s left. Rob...” his voice broke. “I don’t think she’s going to make it.” 

 

Finally he had said the words out loud that had been running around his head since he saw her coming off the ambulance. Through his military career he had seen men with far less severe injuries succumb to their wounds, and while Emma was a fighter, he knew that a human body could only take so much. He knew that it was a miracle that she had even survived as long as she had, and he could only pray that she would hold on long enough for him to visit her that night. 

 

He let himself sob into the phone like a child and Robin remained on the line silently supporting his friend. Killian had never been one for tears. They signified weakness and defeat, but in that instance, he knew it was only a matter of time before he lost her, so he let them flow freely until his eyes had nothing left to give. When he was finally able to collect himself he remembered that someone else was on the line with him. 

 

“Forgive me mate, but how do you know it was him?” Robin tried to ask delicately as not to upset him more, but he needed something more concrete than an educated guess. 

 

“When I got home just now there was a note tucked into the door.” Killian looked down to the unfolded note now sitting on his coffee table. Scrolled out in large font across the center of the sheet was a message that was meant for him alone. 

 

You took my love from me so I thought I’d return the favor. 

 

Killian read the note aloud to Robin. “It’s got his symbol sketched underneath it.” 

 

“Fuck!” Robin’s alarm was all Killian needed. He understood what Killian knew to be true. The man they had spent two years trying to capture hadn’t perished in a carefully planned military assault  before like everyone believed he had. Instead he had been buying his time recovering and planning his next move. 

 

He had time to rebuild his empire. He had time to hunt for Killian. He had over a year for his rage to simmer. One thing he couldn’t have planned on though was the pure unadulterated fury flowing through Killian. Perhaps they had killed the Alchemist's lover and partner in crime during the assault, but she had brought it upon herself. Emma had been an innocent bystander though. She hadn’t deserved her fate, and any minute now, it would venture into the territory of cold-blooded murder. Killian would make him pay for this. 

 

“Killian, don’t do anything stupid.” Robin new him well, too well sometimes. “I’m on it, okay. Give me a couple of hours and I’ll get together everything we know.” 

 

While Killian appreciated the sentiment, he knew that it was nothing more than a stall tactic. Everyone in the British military believed the Alchemist to be dead. The assignment had been marked as complete. There was no continuing surveillance conducted. There were no more informants to interrogate. The Alchemist had spent the last year living as a ghost in the shadows. There was no information to gather. Even if they opened a task force now, it would take months to find anything credible. 

 

“I’m coming back.” It was out of Killian’s mouth before he even realized he was speaking. “After everything here is taken care of I’m coming back. If you and Will don’t want to help me then I'll find  someone who will.” 

 

Killian didn’t want to give Robin an opportunity to disagree with him or to try to talk him out of it. Instead he hung up the phone. He went to his closet and pulled out a small black plastic box from the top of his bedroom closet. He had set that particular box in the back corner on the top shelf when he moved into the brownstone never expecting to ever find a use for it again. 

 

The last year hadn’t been perfect by any means, but things seemed to be getting better. He had learned to let his guard down and had come to feel safe in Boston. When he and Emma first began dating he had considered taking it over to her house. She lived on the outskirts of the city in an old Victorian house and he was always worried about her living so far out away from everyone. The only thing that stopped him from doing so was the knowledge that it would lead to a conversation he wasn’t ready to have. 

 

She knew that he had been in the Royal Navy at one point in time, but she didn’t know about the rest of it, and he couldn’t bring himself to let her in. Not full at least. He didn’t want her to see the darkness in him, didn’t want her to know the horrible deeds he had done. He was sure she would never look at him the same. 

 

Deep down he knew that she deserved someone better than him, and he had told her so more than once, but then her big green eyes would lock with his, and all the fight would escape him. When she looked at him, he almost believed that in time he could come to deserve a second chance with her, and he let his selfishness overtake him. 

 

Now as he was pulling out the little black box, and removing it's contents, he chastised himself for thinking he could have a happy future with her. He had demons in his past, and he was always in fear that at some point that past would come back to haunt him. He should have been more cautious. He should have been more selfless. He should have pushed Emma away for her own sake. In his mind, this was just as much his fault. 

 

The top of the box slid open to reveal a small pistol and box of bullets. He pulled the them out and let the box fall to the floor. He walked over to his bed and set the gun down. His hands were shaking, a new sensation for him. Even when faced with some of the most vile creatures the world had to offer he had been able to keep his wits about him. He had always had a steady hand except when it came to Emma. She had a power over him that no one ever had before. 

 

He tried to gently open the box of ammo but his hands were shaking too badly and he tore the box open in a fit of anger. The bullets flew everywhere as the box containing them ripped apart. Killian’s frustration had been building all day and while punching the wall at the hospital helped to comfort him a little bit, it wasn’t nearly enough. He knew that it was only a matter of time before he wasn’t able to hold it in any longer. He was a ticking time bomb. 

 

Killian knelt down to the ground and picked up the ammo that had rolled under his bed. He loaded the magazine to his pistol and in turn loaded the gun. He slipped it in the back of his jeans. He walked to his closet and grabbed out a black leather jacket. It was long enough that it would conceal the gun, but not long enough to interfere with his ability to access it should he need it. 

 

It was now seven in the evening and he still had a few hours before he would be allowed in to see Emma, but he’d be damned if he just sat around while the Alchemist was still out there somewhere. Emma didn’t have much time left, and he wanted what ever time remained to be as peaceful as possible. He couldn’t stomach the idea of the Alchemist sneaking into her ICU room and finishing her off in some gruesome painful manor. 

 

He threw the jacket on and went back out to his truck. There was still no sign of his neighbor as he pulled out into traffic. He was only a fifteen-minute drive from the hospital. When he trudged back into the waiting room he was met with new faces. The staff had obviously gone through a staff change. A small blonde nurse at the desk near the waiting room entrance greeted him. 

 

When she asked who he was there to see he told her he was just there to support some friends. She smiled at him and he nodded towards her before turning to look over the waiting room. It was empty except for Jefferson. He assumed that David and Mary Margaret were still in with Emma but was surprised to see that all of the others had left. 

 

Jefferson informed him that one of Ruby’s bartenders had called out sick and she couldn’t find anyone to cover for him so she left to go tend to her pub. August still hadn’t returned after his public shaming and Aurora and Philip had to go pick up their sick daughter from a friends sleepover. 

 

He told Killian that he had spoken to David and convinced him to use his Boston Police authority to move Emma to a secure room in the back of the ICU. They made sure that Emma’s name wasn’t visible on any of the patient information boards. Instead anyone wanting to see her or get information on her would need to know a passcode that changed every twelve hours. 

 

Jefferson told him that he realized it wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing for now. Killian had a newfound respect for Jefferson. He had been the one keeping out a weather eye on Emma while everyone else had been focused on his or her own issues. Killian would never be able to do anything for Jefferson to show him how much he appreciated him or how grateful he was that Emma had him in her corner. 

 

Killian also wondered more about Jefferson’s past. He had mentioned a daughter earlier that afternoon and now seemed to have extensive knowledge on hospital security measures. He wondered what Emma really knew about him. 

 

For the next two hours Killian and Jefferson sat watching the double doors leading to the ICU making sure no one suspicious made their way through. Just before nine, Killian excused himself to go grab some coffee from the cafeteria. Without any further acknowledgment Jefferson told Killian that he would text him when the coast was clear. 

 

Killian thanked him and made his way to an elevator around the corner. The last thing he needed was another altercation with David. He wasn’t sure what had caused Victor’s change of heart, but he knew that Victor could face serious disciplinary action if anyone knew what he was doing. 

 

Killian wandered through hallway after hallway getting lost twice before eventually finding the cafeteria. He grabbed a cup of coffee and without thinking placed one sweetener packet and one hazelnut creamer pod in it, just the way Emma took it. He had always teased her about her preferred coffee dressing as he put it, but now as he sipped it in an effort to feel close to her somehow he had to admit it tasted pretty good. 

 

He sat down at table in the cafeteria for thirty minutes before a text came in from Jefferson telling him that David was gone. He waited another fifteen minutes to make sure David wasn’t going to double back before heading back up to finally see Emma. 

 


	5. Prayers to the Night

When Killian stepped back into the waiting room Victor was there, anticipating him. He nodded his head towards the doors and Killian followed him through them. They walked silently towards the back of the ICU. Emma’s room was separate from the other makeshift rooms. Instead of ragged white sheets separating the bays, Emma’s room was surrounded by solid walls, blocking out any curious views. Anyone passing by may have mistaken it for a storage closet.

Outside her room stood two Boston police officers. When Killian saw them he almost tripped over his own feet. He knew they were likely there just for Emma’s protection, but what if David had left orders for them to block him from entering her room.

 

“Name.”

 

The officer’s words weren’t a question. They were an order and Killian found himself without a voice. The words were stuck in his throat.

 

“You do have a name right?” The officer was almost growling at him now, clearly frustrated at the menial task of guarding a door in the middle of the night.

 

“This is Jefferson Hatter. I believe you’ll find he’s on the list.” Victor spoke with conviction. He was a good liar, something Killian hadn’t noticed before.

 

The officer nodded and stepped out of the way. Victor led Killian into the room, once again running down Emma’s injuries. This time the list was more extensive. In addition to what he had told Killian before, he added that Emma’s jaw had been broken along with a few fractures in her facial bones. Three of her fingers were broken in a way that indicated torture. She had a ruptured spleen. Apparently in addition to the brain swelling, Emma’s heart had stopped in the operating room and it took them far longer to resuscitate her than they would have like. During that time her brain was devoid of oxygen and they weren’t sure if it would have any impact on her cognitive function, and that was speculating that she would even wake up.

 

Victor waited a moment for it to sink in before speaking again. “I didn’t want to overwhelm David. He still has the blessing of hope and I didn’t want to destroy that for him. I think you know better though. I’m not sure how she’s even still here with us.”

 

He turned to walk out of the room, but just before he reached the door he turned back towards Killian. “Look man, I hate to say this, but you might want to go ahead and say your goodbyes. This is probably the last time you’ll get with her.”

 

Killian appreciated his honesty. He already knew that his time with her was limited, but hearing it from someone else helped him to acknowledge it.

 

“Hey, Victor,” Killian called out finally letting his gaze drift away from Emma. “Thank you for this. I won’t forget it.”

 

“Don’t thank me. Thank your little attack dog out there,” he said as he gestured towards to what Killian assumed was the direction of the waiting room.

 

Killian’s brows furrowed in confusion. 

 

Victor continued. “Look, I don’t mean any disrespect man, but my ass is on the line here and you having a rendezvous with your secret girlfriend just isn’t worth my job.” Without anything further Victor exited the room leaving Killian alone with Emma.

 

At least he was pretty sure it was Emma. Aside from a bit of matted blonde hair it was impossible to tell. Her face was buried under layers of swelling. The cheeks he once loved to watch flush with pink were now black, blue, and purple. Her left wrist was in a cast and the first three fingers on her right hand were in splints. Her leg was wrapped in gauze.

 

She had always left him breathless but this version of him knocked the air out of his lungs in the worst way. He stood at the foot of her bed watching her. Every nerve in his body was on fire telling him to run to her, to scoop her up in his arms and hold her close. Had it really only been that morning since he had left her sleeping peacefully in her bed while he went to check on his house? In less than twenty-four hours his entire world had been knocked of its axis. The future he had spent over a decade fantasizing about was finally within his reach, only to be snatched away.

 

Killian willed himself to move closer. As he found his way into a chair next to her bed, he carefully slipped his hand into hers only allowing their thumbs to interlock. He was terrified to touch her, but he needed to some form of physical link to her.

 

As he sat there, he couldn’t help but wonder if his Emma was even still in there. She had always been such a force to be reckoned with, and it used to terrify him. It wasn’t that he was afraid of her, but the idea that he would never be worthy of her.

 

As a teenager he was immediately smitten with her, and she intimidated the hell out of him, something he had told her the night they first kissed. Young Killian had never doubted himself before. He was confident to the point of cocky, thanks to the many female admires he had acquired over the years at school.

 

The girls that he had acquainted himself with had always been vapid, and the relationships had been nothing more than physical. When one dalliance lost its appeal he had no trouble moving on to the next one. His promiscuity only spiraled after his parents were killed during a suicide bombing while visiting Amsterdam.

 

His brother, Liam chose to join the Royal Navy as a way to fight back against terrorism. For his part, Killian found that romancing woman after woman helped him to keep his mind preoccupied. Each one afforded him at least a few hours of distraction, keeping the pain at bay.

 

It wasn’t until a pregnancy scare that Killian got his life together. He had actually spent the entire pregnancy helping the girl in every way he could. Killian’s parents had left both of their sons a substantial amount of money, so Killian paid for everything. He went to classes with the girl and had even invited her to move into his parent’s house so he could raise the child with her. He could still remember looking into the baby’s eyes for the first time after he was born.

 

Killian called his brother right away to tell him that he was officially an uncle. Liam though, ever the protective older brother, had insisted that Killian get a paternity check done. Killian only caved after his brother threatened to have his trust cut off, and when the results came back two weeks later he was devastated.

 

When he confronted the girl she admitted that she had just discovered she was pregnant a few days after they had been together for the first time. She said the child’s real father was a loser, that never would have been able to provide for him, so she let Killian believe he was his. She told him that she never meant to hurt him, but she just wanted what was best for her and her child, and she knew Killian had the money to take care of them.

 

He went into the nursery and started grabbing anything he could get his hands on, bringing item after item to the front yard throwing things as hard and as far as he could. After he had tossed anything and everything belonging to her and the baby he yelled at her to get out. He could still hear her pleas to forgive her as he locked the door behind her. It wasn’t his finest moment by any standards and he was still ashamed of himself.

 

Even now after all of these years he wondered what had become of the child. He had been young, too young to care for a child, much less one that wasn’t even his, but there were so many other way he could have handled the situation, so many better ways he could have reacted.

 

After that night, he had decided to focus on school. His life was a mess and he needed to regain some control. He also needed to redeem himself for his brother. He was embarrassed that his brother was off fighting in a war to keep everyone safe, while he was at home screwing anything that walked.

 

He applied to every university he could find that offered the engineering degree he wanted. When he got his first acceptance letter he packed up and moved to Boston. He got along with his roommate easy enough but had devoted himself to studying. He wanted to be better than the stupid young boy he left behind in London. David seemed to be best friends with every kid on their floor and was invited to party after party. He tried over and over again to drag Killian along with him, saying that Killian needed to learn how to relax. Killian refused every attempt David made, until David finally gave up. He told Killian that he would stop bugging him about parties and women if he would at least come home with him to dinner. Even Killian had to admit that his routine of going straight from class to the dinning hall where he’d get his meals to go, then head over to the library and back to the dorms again was starting to wear on him.

 

The first time he went home with David it was supposed to be a onetime thing. David told him that he would get to meet his little sister and that his mom was the best cook in town. Killian cringed at the idea of a younger girl version of David. David was a nice fellow, but sometimes he was a bit much. Killian could only imagine a more energetic chattier version. When they walked in and Ruth informed them that Emma was out with August Killian was actually relieved.

 

That is, until they were getting ready to leave and he saw a picture of Emma hanging on the wall. Her blonde hair was in soft curls framing her face, and emerald green eyes shimmered back at him. He was entranced. The next week when David invited him home again Killian jumped at the chance only to be disappointed that she was out again.

 

Another week went by without her and he missed her, this girl that he had never met. There was just something about her that he was drawn to. When yet another week had passed and David was once again inviting him home to dinner, Killian almost declined. In part he was tired of being let down every time he showed up and she wasn’t there, but also because he felt guilty. He and David were finally starting to bond, and he didn’t want to be the kind of guy that just used his friend to get close to a girl.

 

Was that what he was doing though? He had sworn off girls, and if he felt this attracted to someone based solely on a blurry picture of her, how would he respond to the actual person? The last thing he wanted was to go back to being the boy that seduced every young lady he met. He knew he should stay away, for David’s sake and for his, but the pull to Emma turned out to be too great though as he found himself following David inside the house.

 

When they got past the foyer his jaw dropped. She was the most gorgeous creature he had ever seen. Any ability to form coherent thoughts that he may have had were gone. The fact that he was able to walk at that point amazed him. Just before they sat for dinner David tried to introduce him to Emma but it was an epic failure. Killian reached out to shake Emma’s hand but she turned away from them before seeing the gesture and Killian felt like a fool.

 

As the dinner progressed Killian had only spoken twice, both times answering questions posed to him by Ruth. The meal had taken a turn at some point and the main focus was now only on David and Emma. He was pressing her with question after question but she held her own. With only one syllable words she managed to convey an air of confidence that Killian could only hope to feel one day. He could tell that David was close to losing it, but Emma remained calm.

 

She only flinched once that he saw, something he wouldn’t have even noticed if his focus hadn’t been so intently on her, but she managed to recompose herself in an instance. She bid him farewell, looking him in the eyes for the first time all evening and that was all it took. One look from her and he was gone.

 

After that, week after week, he found himself both anxiously awaiting and ceremoniously dreading David’s family dinners. She slowly began to open up to him, and he slowly found the courage to speak to her. When the winter break came he knew he should go home to London. Liam of course wouldn’t be there, but he needed to distance himself from Emma. He was falling in love with her already. When David asked him to stay, Killian almost said no, He wasn’t sure if he could stay in a house less than twenty feet away from her without doing something stupid. It was already everything he could do to keep his hands off of her. Thoughts of her consumed almost every waking hour, and they weren’t proper thoughts. When she wasn’t invading his waking mind, she was in his dreams, every sinful inch of her. He should stay away, he needed to stay away, but of course he couldn’t.

 

Those weeks were torture on him. Emma and David were in a holding pattern of sorts barely speaking. Ruth would often work late hours, and when David would sneak away at night to meet up with Mary Margaret, Killian would be left in the house alone with Emma.

 

He would find her in the living room reading a book, and make sure to sit on the opposite side of the couch from her, creating as much distance between them as possible. In the beginning they spoke mostly about books. He learned Emma had a fondness for mysteries. She lent him a few of her favorites to read and he suggested some to her in change, citing A Brave New World as his favorite.

 

Eventually their talks became more meaningful. He tried to steer clear of any topics that could lead to anything too intimate, but his curiosity finally got the better of him. She had come back from a night out with August and he couldn't help himself. The words spilled out of his mouth. He had asked her how long they had been dating, a humiliating question on his part, only increased by the fact that she was now standing there, laughing at him. He could feel heat pulling in his ears. Her laughter died down and she informed her that August was her friend, nothing more.

 

Apparently part of the agreement between August and his foster family was that if he was going to stay there, he needed to keep his grades up. Moving from school system to school system hadn’t afforded August much continuity and he was drowning. Emma was tutoring him, squeezing in extra study sessions the night before he had a big exam.

 

When he asked her why she hadn’t said anything, she gave him a wicked grin before explaining that it drove David crazy thinking she and August were an item, and was in no rush to correct him. He smiled back at her. It was probably the first honest smile he had given anyone since he found out he wasn’t a father.

 

From there, Killian and Emma began exchanging more personal information. She told him about her first mother, Ingrid Swan. Ingrid had brought Emma home from the hospital when she was two days old. They had been incredibly happy, but when Emma was seven, Ingrid passed away very unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm. After that, Emma had bounced around from home to home. She explained that she was too old to be adopted anymore, people wanted babies that they could raise as their own. She told him stories about some of the homes that she had never even told David.

 

Killian found that talking to her was easy, and comfortable. He told her about his parents and how they would go sailing every chance they got. He told her about how Liam joined up after they passed. He explained that he was seeking a degree in mechanical engineering because he wanted to build boats for a living. He even found himself telling her about why he left England. He didn’t go into the specifics though. He only told her that there had been a pregnancy scare and it had been the push he needed to grow up.

 

Emma didn’t judge him though. He had been so afraid that telling her that he thought he had knocked up a girl he had just met would send her running for the hills. If anything, knowing something so personal about him only brought them closer together. At night when she couldn’t sleep, instead of laying awake for hours in her bed, she would join him in the living room for midnight conversations. Once or twice she had fallen asleep on the couch. He couldn’t stand the idea of waking her up and sending her back to her room so instead he would cover her up with her blanket and find himself a spot on the area rug in front of the couch.

 

He could tell that his friendship with Emma seemed to be irritating David, but it wasn’t until they were back in the dorms after the New Year that David finally confronted him, forcing him to promise to stay away from Emma. Killian hated the thought of losing whatever he and Emma had developed, but David was right, they couldn’t be together. Emma deserved a good guy that could give her the world, and he still saw himself as a selfish cad.

 

Killian and Emma still talked after that, but he did what he could to create distance between them. He was completely in love with her, and he knew that it would only end in his heart being shattered. He hoped that by creating space, he could protect both of their hearts. When the summer came and he returned home to London and Liam, he was miserable. He couldn’t get her out of his mind, and for as much effort as he had put into pushing her away, he couldn’t help be find himself counting down the days until he was back in Boston near her again.

 

When he arrived at the home that he and David had rented with Phillip and Victor, two other guys from the dorms, Killian felt butterflies in his stomach. He couldn’t help but hope that Emma might drop by to help David move his furniture, or just to see the place.

 

Instead he got a confusing story from David about how Emma had left to go find herself or something. Even the distance he created couldn’t save his heart from the pain of her leaving. He waited six months, hoping that she might find her way back. He couldn’t concentrate on anything, including his schoolwork. His grades had fallen, and he felt aimless again, like after his parents had been killed. Refusing to fall back into bad habits, and with no idea as to how to fix his heart, he went home that December and joined the Royal Navy. He hoped the structure it offered would help distract him in a more positive way. It didn’t, and he never got over her.

 

For ten years, he thought of her, wondering what had become of her, if she was happy, wondering if she ever thought of him. Then fate intervened, leading them both back to Boston within three months of each ocher. Both of them carried tragedy with them like chains, both helping the other to heal.

 

For ten years he thought of her, and for one month he had her in every way he had ever dreamed. Then, in less than twenty four hours, his life had been ruined.

 

“Hey beautiful,” he whispered as he leaned forward to lightly kiss her temple. “I missed you.”

 

It was something they said to each other every night after they made love. Keeping their relationship a secret had its practical reasons, but it was hard on both of them. They couldn’t embrace each other in public the way they wanted to, couldn’t spend all of their time together the way they wanted. Late at night when they were finally able to steal away with each other, the passion would overtake them. They would spend hours bringing one another over the edge before collapsing into bed. Then in the morning one of them would have to sneak back to their own house like nothing had happened.

 

Killian sat by her bed for the better part of an hour not speaking. He used the time to soak up every ounce of her knowing that each minute may be his last. He felt tears welling up in his eyes as he thought of the future they would never share. The damn finally broke and he let out a mangled sob.

 

“Emma Swan, you can’t leave me,” he managed through sniffles. “It’s not fair, I just got you.”

 

More sobs wracked through his body as his mind wandered through memories of the moments they had shared. The one that stuck in his head was of the night he and Emma kissed for the first time.

 

* * *

 

 

The entire gang had gone to Ruby’s pub to celebrate Ruby’s birthday. Killian hadn’t felt like drinking himself into oblivion so he cancelled on them at the last minute citing exhaustion. He was happily in bed when he got a phone call from a very drunk Emma. This wasn’t the first time she had drunk dialed him, usually calling him to tell him off for being old and lame.

 

He answered the phone bracing himself for a dress down, but instead her voice rang through sweetly, although a bit slurred. She told him she missed him being there, that she actually missed him a lot. Killian’s attention peeked, all fatigue having left his body. Emma wasn’t one for drunken confessions, and he was curious as to how much she had to drink, along with what else she might admit.

 

Before she could say anything else though another voice cut it. This time it was David telling him that they were going to come over and party at his house. Killian’s mood quickly shifted to annoyance.

 

“Dave, I’m already in bed. No one is coming over here, and if they do I’m calling the cops on them.”

 

“Shove it Killian, the keys are already in my hand and I’m walking out to the,” he laughed loudly at something cutting of the rest of whatever he was going to say.

 

“Dave, you don’t need to be driving anywhere. Get in a cab and go home, and put Emma back on.”

 

“Whatever, we’ll be there in ten minutes,” David spat back.

 

Emma’s voice came back over the line, “Hello?”

 

“Emma, love, please for the love of God don’t let him behind the wheel,” he pleaded. If driving drunk wasn’t bad enough to end David’s career, the idea of Emma being in a car with him made him sick.

 

“I know, I’ve tried, he won’t listen. He’s upset you’re not here.” Her voice was soft and cautious.

 

“Emma, tell him to stay there. I’ll be there in a few minutes okay,” he asked.

 

“I’ll do my best.” Her voice fell to a whisper. “Killian?”

 

“Yes, love?”

 

“I miss you.”

 

The line went dead.

 

Killian got dressed as fast as he could, grabbing whatever clothes where closest to the bed. He walked out his front door cursing his neighbor for forcing him to park down the street nearly two blocks over. Traffic in Boston was still heavy at one in the morning and it took him almost twenty minutes to get to Ruby’s pub. He parked in the employee parking in the back rather than searching for a spot in the packed parking lot out front.

 

When he got inside it didn’t take long to find them. As soon as he stepped through the front door a handful of voices called out his name and cheered. He found them at the opposite end of the bar with Ruby and Victor. Phillip and Aurora had called it a night hours before so they could relieve their baby sitter. Ruby’s apartment was just around the corner, leaving him to only worry about David, Mary Margaret, and Emma.

 

After about twenty minutes of coaxing, he managed to convince David that it was time to leave. Emma could barely stand, so Killian pulled her into his side and helped her outside towards the truck. David was a shit show to put it mildly. Luckily for Killian, while Mary Margaret was far too drunk to drive, she wasn’t so far gone that she couldn’t help herd David towards the truck.

 

Killian decided that it would be best to take David and his wife home first. Even from the back seat David was distracting enough that Killian was having a hard time navigating. Once they were outside David’s house, the home that used to belong to Ruth, Killian waited for David and Mary Margaret to get out of the truck. As David opened the door and tried to step out he took a dive and face-planted into the grass next to the driveway.

 

Killian muttered a curse under his breath and asked Emma to stay inside the truck. He left it running while he got out and yanked David up to his feet. He was likely to have a black eye in the morning from the fall but it would serve him right. He held David up and steered him towards the front door where Mary Margaret was struggling with her keys, trying to turn the lock with her car key. She giggled to herself as Killian yanked the keys out of her hand.

 

David shushed her telling her that she was going to get them both in trouble with 'the teacher' much to Killian’s annoyance. This was part of the reason Killian didn’t want to go out with them. Somehow the task of babysitting always seemed to fall to him and he hated it.

 

With Emma it was always easy. She did whatever he asked of her, but David was always a bit more mischievous pushing whatever limits he could with Killian. Once in the house Killian was able to push David towards the couch where he let his friend’s limp body fall. Killian probably should have stayed and made sure his friend was okay, but he was at his wits end. He gave Mary Margaret instructions to make sure he had plenty of water and for him to sleep on his side that night. He could hear both of them giggling as he left.

 

When he got back to his truck, Emma was sitting there quietly starring out the passenger window. “You alright there, love,” he asked as he climbed back into the driver's seat.

  
She gave him a sly grin before telling him she was perfect. “Take me home Jones.”

 

They were silent on the drive out of town to her place. Every once in awhile he could swear he felt her eyes on him, but when he would look over she would be facing the road. Wishful thinking he told himself.

 

When they pulled up in her driveway he cut the engine off and quickly ran over to her door to help her out of the vehicle. She stumbled a bit getting out so he pulled her back into his side to walk her to the door. She didn’t even bother with the lock herself immediately handing him her keys. He opened the door and walked her inside, sitting her down lightly on the couch, unlike David.

 

“Wait here, I’ll get you some water and then we’ll put you to bed.”

 

She didn’t say anything so he left her to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge. He returned to the living room and was about to help her up off the couch and up the stairs.

 

“I’m not tired yet. Will you just sit here with me for a while?” Emma’s voice was timid. He had never heard her like that before.

 

He furrowed his brows at her trying to figure out what was going through her head. “Aye,” was all he managed.

 

“Good.” Her mischievous grin was back leaving him in an emotional whiplash. “It’s such a lovely night, grab a beer and meet me on the porch.” She stood up and walked to the front door much more steady than she had been five minutes ago. To say he was completely baffled by her that evening would be an understatement.

 

He did as she told him, retrieving a drink from the fridge and coming out to the porch to join her on an old porch swing. He sat next to her and she leaned into him. He wanted to ask her what she was thinking, but in that moment he could only think about how right it felt having her tucked into him. She fit to him perfectly.

 

After ten minutes of silence he broke the silence.

  
“I’m not complaining love, but is everything alright? You seem a bit vexed tonight.”

 

She said nothing at first, and he was almost certain she’d fallen asleep next to him. Just as he was about to shift he heard her sigh.

 

“Do you remember when we were teenagers and we used to stay up late at night talking about anything and nothing?” She pulled away a little so she could see his face.

 

“You mean before you left?” His words were almost accusatory and he cringed immediately as they left his lips. He paused before adding, “Why did you leave Emma?”

 

“You left too,” she told him changing the subject.

 

He knew he shouldn’t push her. She had been drinking and had no control over her words. He would be taking advantage over her, but he also knew though that this was his best chance to get some honest answers out of her after all those years.

 

“Aye, I did, but only because you left first.” He knew it was an admission of something he had never discussed out loud, and he wasn’t sure that in her drunken state she would even have picked up on it.

 

If she did, it didn’t show. “I explain this to David when I left, but he didn’t understand. He’s never been a lost boy. I left because I needed to find myself. I need to prove to myself that I was worth something; that I was more than just the little girl everyone took pity on.”

 

Before she could utter another word he cut in. “Emma, I never pitied you.”

 

She waved him off. “No, it’s fine. I knew all of you guys just saw me as David’s younger sister. I was the annoying girl that people had to put up with because of Ruth.”

 

Is that really what she had thought all of those years? Could she really have believed that she meant nothing to him, that he merely tolerated her?

 

“Emma, I have never once pitied you. Even as teenagers, I found you fascinating, if even a little bit terrifying,” he chuckled out.

 

She gasped as she leaned away. Her eyes were big but refusing to meet his own. “You were terrified of me?” She sounded so tiny and frail. He could feel her body stiffen and knew she was getting ready to bolt away.

 

“No, that’s not what I said,” he told her as he pulled her back into him. “Or at least that not what I meant. What I was trying to say was that I was in awe of you, and it terrified me. I could barely even speak to you at first because I was sure I would just make a fool of myself, much like I’m doing now if I’m honest.”

 

He could feel her relaxing a bit so he continued. “Even when I got to know you better I was afraid you’d just see me as a blithering blubbering fool. Do you remember when I told you about my favorite book?” He felt her nod next to him. “Ya, I only told you that book to sound impressive. Personally I hated it.” His finger came up to scratch at a spot below his ear.

 

He heard a muffled chuckle as she laughed into his side. “So then what is your favorite book? And what else have you fibbed about?”

 

“Well, not to sound too common, but my favorite book is Peter Pan. As far as anything else, you know that important things.”

 

They continued to sway back and fourth on the swing in silence for a few more moments. “You know, I used to have a really big crush on you,” she admonished.

 

He took one last sip of his beer not sure if he should say something to respond, or wait for her to continue.

 

“I thought you just saw me as David’s tag-a-long though, and I was almost certain you knew how I felt, so I avoided you as much as possible.” She paused before continuing, “The same way I probably should be avoiding you now.” She cringed and every muscle in her body went rigid.

 

He was sure she hadn’t meant to say that last part, but as she did it made his stomach flip. A nervous knot formed in his gut.

 

“Emma,” he had to grab her chin and pull it to him so he could look into her eyes. He wanted to ask her so many things. Did she mean what he thought she did? After all of that time could she feel the same pull he did?

 

She started to pull away and he launched pressing his lips to hers. The moment their mouths met they both let out small moans as more than a decade of secret longing finally came to fruition. The kiss was tentative at first, but quickly became passionate. Both of her hands found their way to the back of his neck. One of his came to tangle in her hair as the other pressed against her lower back trying to eliminate every bit of space between them.

 

He wasn’t sure how or when it happened but Emma was now straddling him, causing the swing to tilt forward. Killian cupped both of his hands around her bottom as he stood, lifting her with him. Her legs came around his waist as he walked her across the porch back towards the door. He was in a haze as his mouth began trailing kisses down her throat.

 

The fury was only broken after she managed to gasp out the word bedroom. Emma was everything he had wanted since he was eighteen years old and he’d be damned if he ruined it before it had even begun.

 

“Emma, love.” His voice was wrecked. “We can’t, not like this.” God he hated himself for always having good form.

 

Her legs fell from his waist back to the porch floor. When he opened his eyes he saw tears running down her face.

 

“Ya, I um,” she stumbled over her words. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have.” She tried to push away but his hands were now firmly wrapped around her arms pulling her back towards him. “Please. Please tell me I didn’t just ruin us. Can we just chalk this up to alcohol and pretend like it never happened?” Her words were pleading and frantic.

 

“Emma, stop.” He pulled her face up to meet his once more. “Look at me. I want you Emma, I have since we were kids.” He pressed further against her. “God do I want you,” he said as he thrust his hips against her for emphasis. She let out a gasp as she felt his arousal through his jeans. “But not like this. You’ve had quite a bit to drink tonight and I would never forgive myself if I thought I was taking advantage of you.”

 

She tried to protest but he continued. “Tomorrow night though, I will take you on a proper date, and if at the end of that date you still feel as you do now, I promise I will take you upstairs and rut you into that mattress so hard that you won’t be able to walk for weeks.” He thrust forward again and she let out a soft moan. “But for now, I will be a gentleman and leave you to sleep.”

 

It took everything he had not to turn back and take her right there against her front door. When he got in his truck she was still standing on the porch with her fingers up to her lips, clearly having been as affected by the evening’s turn of events as he had. He waited for her to safely make her way back into her house before backing up out of the driveway.

 

He had been so tired when he left his house that evening to pick everyone up, but as he pulled up to his street, he was wide awake as thoughts of Emma’s lips and the taste of whisky turned in his mind. He was in such a good mood he didn’t even mind that he had to park three blocks over.

 

He went to bed feeling the most relaxed he had in years.

 

The next evening he took Emma out on their first date. It was a small Italian restaurant outside of Boston to eliminate the risk of anyone seeing them. He explained to her that he had promised David multiple times that he would never try anything with Emma, a promise he only made because he never thought he had a chance with her. True to form that night when he dropped her off, she invited him in and they spent the entire night bringing each other to pleasure, and while she’d never admitted it, he knew by the change in her stance the next morning that he had made good on his promise.

 

* * *

 

He never would have guessed then that in just over a month he be sitting at her hospital bedside trying to summon the proper words to say goodbye to the love of his life.

 

“Please Emma, please don’t leave me.” His words were wrecked now for a different reason.

 

As he sat there pleading to her and to God to let her stay there with him, he missed the sound of the door opening. It wasn’t until he heard a throat clearing that he realized anyone else was in the room with him. At first he didn’t look up assuming it was just a hospital staff member coming to check on her. When the man cleared his throat again, Killian turned his head to the doorway.

 

“Lieutenant Jones?” The man was in full military uniform displaying the rank of Colonel.

 

“It’s just Killian Jones now,” Killian replied turning his gaze back to Emma.

 

“Ah, I see. I think we need to speak, in private.”

 

Killian never turned from Emma. “I won’t leave her side, but you’re more than welcome to close that door and ask me anything you need.”

 

He had a good idea of the colonel’s purpose there. Although he hadn’t expected any military presence to arrive so quickly, but with his call in to Robin, he knew it was only a matter of time before someone came to question him about the Alchemist.

 

The colonel stepped in and closed the door behind him.

 


	6. Down the Rabbit Hole

 

The colonel took a seat in a corner of the room. He shifted in the chair twice trying to get comfortable before speaking again.

 

“It’s come to my attention that you believe your girlfriend here,” he started as he waved towards Emma’s limp body, “was tortured by a violent and dangerous biological terrorist that your team confirmed as dead. Is that correct?”

 

“Yes,” Killian mumbled back to him. His right hand was still joined to hers, but his free hand had moved up to Emma’s head and was gently brushing the side of Emma’s bruised face.

 

“To which part? The part where you think he did this, or the part where you told your government that he was a confirmed kill?”

 

“Both.” Killian had to force himself not to squeeze Emma’s hand too tightly as his anger rose. “We had confirmation from a spotter that he was in the building, and I can personally confirm that Alice was there.”

 

Alice, as she was known in the intelligence circle, was the Alchemist’s partner, professionally and romantically. She had first come under his radar about three years before the Alchemist’s supposed death. Originally, she they had thought her to be nothing more than his latest liaison. She was a pretty face for him to tout around. She was just another in a long line of beautiful women at his side.

 

Unlike the rest though, he kept her around bringing her further and further into the fold. It took Killian’s team over a year to find any information on her and he had to admit he was shocked at what they found. Alice as she was known, was far more than her looks. She was also an elite fighter, excelling at multiple techniques; something Killian had witnessed first hand the night they thought they got the Alchemist. She was an expert marksman as well, and had become the Alchemist’s next in command.

 

“Perhaps you could start from the beginning,” the colonel interjected.

 

Killian watched as Emma’s chest rose and fell a few times.

 

“How far back? The beginning of that night, or the beginning of the mission?”

 

“I’m sure you have an understanding of how well information gets shared between our governments,” he snickered, his words dripping with sarcasm. “I’ve seen the declassified files from your team, but lets just say that they were highly redacted. I want to hear it from you, someone who was there.”

 

Killian steadied himself. “Then I’m sure you know that for the safety of my team, I can’t tell you everything, just the highlights.”

 

The colonel sat further back in his chair crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Understood.”

 

Killian nodded. He leaned forward placing a light kiss on Emma’s temple again, attempted to make sure she knew he was still there for her. He took in a deep breath trying to decide where to start.

 

“About four years ago, we became aware of a man who called himself The Alchemist. He came out of nowhere, and suddenly seemed to be everywhere we looked.”

 

Killian paused thinking it over. There was chatter coming in from multiple countries that a new player was making a move to become a supplier for multiple terrorist cells. His specialty was bioterrorism. He was weaponizing anthrax, Ebola, and a number of other deadly diseases. Had Killian still been in the Navy, he never would have been privy to any of that information.

 

“We had received word that some of the smaller village outbreaks in the area were caused by him. He was testing his products on innocent people in an effort to show possible buyers that his products worked. The only information we had on him at the time was that he was American. Aside from that, he was a ghost. My team was tasked with stopping him. Originally we were supposed to bring him in alive for questioning, but after the attack on Paris, our orders changed to take him out by any means necessary. After about a year of watching him, seemingly always two steps behind him, Alice appeared.” He was interrupted,

 

“And your team gave her that moniker?”

 

“No, that was the name she went by. Initially we thought that she was possibly an escort. She dressed provocatively, and never interacted with anyone but him. We asked our analysts to look into her, but honestly I didn’t think much would come of it. He traded out girls about once a month, so I assumed she be gone soon enough.”

 

“But this one stuck around,” the colonel interjected again.

 

Killian was annoyed. Why was he telling the story if the colonel seemed to already know it well enough that he could retell it to him?

 

“Aye, she did. We saw her talking to the Alchemist’s henchmen. She gave them orders and they seemed to follow without question, which was curious. These weren’t exactly the kind of guys that knuckled under. We knew then that she was more than just a pretty face.

 

My team was still observing trying to gather information on the two of them, and the operation, but I guess we weren’t going fast enough. An American was sent in to infiltrate. When Alice found him out, instead of taking him in to deal with the Alchemist, we watched helplessly as she dealt with him herself.”

 

Killian was fairly certain the colonel knew exactly what he was talking about by the way he sat up in his chair.

 

“He was a good man, it’s a real shame what happened to him.” The colonel sat back.

 

“So I’m to assume he didn’t make it?”

 

The memory was still vivid in his head. He was watching Alice’s office through high-grade binoculars hoping to see something useful. Alice had come into her office to find the American sitting at her computer trying to open some encrypted files. As soon as she saw him, Killian knew there was going to be a huge mess to clean up.

 

Alice was very toned but she was slight, and he thought the agent would have no trouble getting past her to make a hasty escape. What he hadn’t expected was for Alice to take him out in under thirty seconds.

 

As the agent stood from the desk, he tried to push her down so he could get through the doorway. She ducked his attempt and grabbed his wrists instead, using her hip for leverage to flip his body. He landed on the desk. As he tried to stand, she moved around him swiftly, grabbing the back of his jacket and rammed his head into a metal filling cabinet. The agent tried to get up on his hands and knees, but Alice pushed him back to the ground with pointy heel of her boot.

 

She pulled a gun from the back of her pants, trained it on the American agent, and he stopped fighting. She pulled him up by the back of his jacket and led him back to her desk where she dumped his body back in her chair. Killian’s team didn’t have any audio surveillance in place so he couldn’t figure out what she was saying, but he could tell that her demeanor was cold and calculating.

 

She reached into the top drawer of her desk pulling out a fancy black pen, all while never removing the gun from his direction. She leaned back against her desk, saying something to the man that Killian couldn’t understand, and the man nodded his head as if he was answering a question. She set the gun down on the desk next to her.

 

Alice pulled the cap off the pen and moved it in front of the man’s face. She gave him what Killian swore at the time was a sad smile, almost as if she regretted her actions. Alice clicked down on the top of the pen, and a gas was dispersed in the American’s face.

 

About twenty seconds later the man became crazed. He stood up with so much force that his chair fell over behind him. His arms started punching at the air before he fell to the ground and curled up in a fetal position. Alice leaned over pushing a button on her phone speaking something into the intercom. A moment later two large men were in her office dragging the American away. Five minutes later an unmarked black van left the compound. Killian assumed the American was inside being driven to a location where his body could be dumped.

 

Later that evening when Robin came to relive him of his duties, Robin told Killian that an US operative had been left in front of a local American army base with a note stuck to his shirt. The note was a warning telling them to back off, with the Alchemist’s symbol in the paper. The operative had been spraying with a chemical that sent him into a psychosis. When he first arrived he  hallucinated that monsters were all around him. He screamed for hours before finally going silent, locked away in his own mind. Killian knew that it was the same agent Alice had dosed. I the moment she as much a priority as the Alchemist was.

 

The colonel’s words snapped him out of his thoughts. “Well I guess that depends on your way of thinking. He’s alive, but he’ll never be the same.”

 

Over the years, Killian had seen many good men hurt or killed in the line of duty, but he forced himself not to think about it. Those men had signed up knowing the risks, but here, with Emma in front of him, he couldn’t help but think about that man. Alice was responsible for the death of many good men, and she deserved exactly what she got, just as the Alchemist deserved what was coming.

 

Killian continued, “we kept eyes on them for years, but they were always just out of reach. The Alchemist seemed to vanish. His deals were still being brokered but we couldn’t get eyes on him. We only saw Alice when she wanted us to; when she was making a point to us using another agent. Then it happened. Three years after we started the mission, we got word that both of them were hiding out in an old warehouse about a hundred miles outside of Damascus. My team was dispatched immediately to confirm their presence. It took two days but finally we caught sight of them walking through the warehouse."

 

"We called in a drone strike. The warehouse was far enough away from any large cities that bio containment should have been negligent. It would have destroyed the bulk of his chemical weapons stockpile taking him and her with it. The drone was approved and we were told it was about twenty minutes out. We maintained a perimeter to ensure neither of them left the premise.”

 

Killian trailed off as he watched Emma. He thought back to the note he found earlier that day. The events of that night had led them here, to Emma dying a slow and painful death.

 

His thoughts were interrupted by the colonel “And then what happened?”

 

* * *

 

 

He turned the memory over in his head. His satellite phone had rung up with an American phone number, one reserved for Red Cross emergencies. He shouldn’t have answered it. He was supposed to be focused solely on this mission, which with any luck would have been over that night. He should have waited and called back, but he couldn’t push out the feeling of dread that had moved over his body. There was only one person that this could be about. Milah, the fiancé waiting for him back in Boston. He answered the call against his better judgment setting off what until today, had been marked as the second worst day of his life, Only beaten out by the night he had learned of Liam’s fate. There had been a car accident. Milah had been in the car with a friend when the car lost control and ran into a tree. Milah was killed immediately. Killian sat on the ground letting the phone fall from his hand. Everything around him faded away, and he sat in silence willing it to be a mistake. It wasn’t, and now not only had he lost the woman he was set to spend the rest of his life with, he had also made the biggest mistake of his career.

 

“Mate! Killian! For fucks sake, what’s going on over there?” Will was screaming onto his earpiece.

 

Killian broke out of his haze. It had to be a mistake. He would finish there and call Milah as soon as they got back to base and she would laugh at the misunderstanding.

 

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Killian hoped his voice hadn’t betrayed him. “A white van just left the compound genius. Did you see who was inside?”

 

_Shit! Shit!_

 

“Fuck, I didn’t see it,” Killian croaked out.

 

“What the hell are you doing over there, Jones?” Will rarely got genuinely angry and Killian knew he had screwed up.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry, I got distracted and missed the van.” Killian knew they couldn’t risk losing their opportunity to take out the Alchemist and Alice, but if they weren’t there he didn’t want to give away that their location had been discovered either.

 

“I’m going in to confirm they’re both still there.” Killian didn’t even wait for a response from Will or Robin. He stayed out of sight from any windows as he approached the warehouse. He moved to a door, placing his ear to it to listen for voices. When he heard none, he opened it slipping into the warehouse and closing the door behind him. 

 

He made his way down a hallway ducking into a corridor to his right. He heard voices coming towards him. He considered incapacitating the two voices, but was scared someone may notice they were missing or stumble across their bodies. Instead he rushed through the first door he found, not paying attention to where in the warehouse he was.

 

When he looked around the room, the first thing he noticed was a metal filing cabinet with a large dent in it. Of all the places he could have hid in, it had to be Alice’s office. He thought of leaving, but this was the first time he had seen this room up close. He had access to angles of the room he couldn’t see from outside.

 

He took in her desk. There was nothing there that immediately gave away that the office belonged to her. There were no personal affects, no photos of people she loved. Where the hell had she come from? Who was she?

 

Suddenly Robin’s voice came into his ear asking if he had seen either of them. “Not yet, hold on.”

 

Killian listened to the door again but heard nothing. He exited the room heading further down the hallway before it ended leaving him with the option of turning right or left. Before he could decide, a small figure was standing to his right, dressing in all black, including a black facemask. He steadied himself, waiting to see if the figure called for backup. It didn’t. Instead, the figure just seemed shocked to see someone uninvited standing in the hallway. It didn’t make any moves, at least not until he did.

 

Killian knew that he couldn’t walk away knowing that he had been discovered. He lunged forward towards the silhouette, but it moved to block his attack. Punch after punch, he was blocked, but the figure never took the offensive. Killian knew that it was Alice, she was the only one nimble enough to miss every punch and kick he gave, but why hadn’t she made her presence known? She was the type of person who liked for her victim’s to see her face before she killed them.

 

Killian had always wondered what would happen if he came up against her. He was the best fighter in his unit, but would he be able to take her? It was if she had spent her entire life training to fight and dedicated herself to nothing else. Now he was finally going to learn the answer, but she wasn’t fighting back. Why wasn’t she fighting back? Then he realized that she was just toying with him.

 

He took a step back and stilled. She had thrown him. Instead of taking him out like her previous foes, she had taken her time, letting him tire himself out while she had barely expended any energy.

 

He could play that game too. He didn’t move a muscle, waiting for her to attack, but it never happened. He heard a loud noise come from behind him and pain radiated out from his chest. He felt his body grow heavy and he slumped down on his knees before falling to the floor completely.

 

“Noooooooo,” he heard a female voice scream out. He heard another loud noise and a thump came from his side.

 

He was starting to feel cold, knowing that he was losing blood. His vision began to blur as tears found their way to his eyes. Was it a mistake? Was Milah waiting at home for him, or was she up in heaven calling him home to her? A chuckle escaped him as he thought about the irony of it, he and Milah possible dying on the same day one opposite sides of the world.

 

He saw a figure approaching him but his vision was still blurry. He thought he saw her removing her facemask. His ears were ringing and he couldn’t hear anything. His eyelids became heavy as more of his blood spilled on the floor. He blinked once or twice more trying to stay awake. He saw another figure approach and stand directly above him. The new figure had dark wavy hair.

 

There it was, his confirmation. Both the fuzzy images of the Alchemist and Alice were standing above his body, and any minute now a drone would arrive obliterating all three of them.

 

When he awoke two days later he was in a hospital bed. A nurse was standing next to him swapping out an iv bag.

 

“Well hey there,” she said. “You gave us a bit of a scare but you’re going to be fine.” 

 

* * *

 

 

“I can personally confirm they were both there in that warehouse. The drone came in and took out the compound. I can’t tell you how he escaped, but he did. He left me this note.”

 

Killian pulled his free hand away from Emma’s face and stood up just enough to pull the folded note out of his back pocket. He leaned forward handing it to the colonel before sitting back down. As he turned his attention back to Emma’s face there was a knock at the door. A man he hadn’t seen before came in to check Emma’s vitals and replace a bag of medicine in her iv. He left the room quietly and the colonel continued to sit in the chair not saying a word.

 

Killian’s hand was stroking Emma’s face again when alarms started blaring from the machines Emma was connected too. Killian stood up not knowing what to do. A nurse came running in and hit a button on the wall near the door. Killian heard 'code blue' come across the intercom as more medical staff came in. Victor rushed in giving orders to the others in the room.

 

“Killian, we have to rush her back into surgery. You need to go back out to the waiting room.”

 

With that, Emma was being rolled out of the room and Killian felt empty. He stood watching the door when he felt an arm on his shoulder.

 

“Come on, I’ll wait with you and we can talk some more.” The colonel was pushing Killian back down the hallway now towards the waiting room.

 

When Killian sat back down he took note that Jefferson was missing. He must have finally left knowing that Emma was being watched after.

 

The colonel continued to ask him questions. Killian wasn’t sure if the questions were actually important, or if he was just trying to help distract him. The colonel had just asked him why he left the military when David came bursting through the door. Of course they would have called him as Emma’s emergency contact. David’s eyes lock on Killian and he became furious.

 

David started stomping towards him only managing to get out the word “you,” before the colonel stood up and pushed him back. David looked astonished at the action turning his attention to the bulky man in front of him.

 

David looked back at Killian for only a second. “You can’t be here,” David spat before turning back to the colonel, “and who the hell are you?”

 

“Mr. Nolan.” Killian was a little surprised that the colonel knew who David was. “My name is Colonel French. He is here at my request in a matter of national security. Now can you remain calm, or do I need to have you escorted from the building?”

 

David looked back and forth between the two men before finally slumping into a chair. “So this is because of you?” David focused his glare at Killian.

 

“Yes.” Killian was gutted, not only at the admission to David, but for Emma. “Someone from my past has resurfaced with a vendetta against me.”

 

Before anyone could say anything more, they heard two doors nearly slamming shut. Victor walked over to them and took a seat near David and Killian.

 

“Victor,” David asked tentatively. “Is she...?” His words died before he could finish his question.

 

“Hmm?” Victor looked up at David’s question, obviously pulled from his own thoughts. “Oh, I wouldn’t know. I was just kicked out of my own operating room by some guys in uniform.”

 

Victor wrung his hands together in his lap. Killian turned to look at the colonel.

 

Understanding the unspoken question Colonel French whispered to Killian. “Think about it Jones. A man known for his dealings with deadly chemicals and bacteria attacked her. While I don’t think he used anything on her, we have to take precautions.”

 

Killian nodded in understanding. He hadn’t even considered that.

 

The four men waited for almost an hour when a man in desert ABU’s cloaked under an surgical gown stepped forward through the doors. He came forward to them and locked eyes with the colonel.

 

“I’m sorry, there was too much bleeding and her body couldn’t handle it. I’m afraid she’s gone.” And with that, this was officially the new worst day of Killian's life.

 


	7. Tic Tock, Boom

 

The week following Emma’s passing was a blur. Killian had been banned by David from helping plan the funeral, or from even attending it for that matter. Killian was angry of course, but he understood it as his penance. It was his fault that she was gone.

 

Emma had passed early on a Tuesday morning. Killian had gone home and opened a bottle of rum, finishing the bottle before midday. He barely managed to stumble from his dinning table to his couch. He refused to sleep in his bed, in their bed. Granted, he and Emma hadn’t lived together, but they had spent every night for the last month wrapped in each other’s arms. He had hoped in a few months, he could broach the subject with Emma, but that would never happen.

 

Instead the room was spinning around him as he curled up on his couch, trying not to think about movie nights that had turned into make-out sessions on that sofa.

 

Emma was everywhere. She was apart of everything he touched, from the plates they ate on at breakfast, to the toilet paper she insisted need to be folded over, not under.

 

He laid there waiting for the liqueur to consume him, and he didn’t have to wait long. He slept through Tuesday. When he rose Wednesday morning, he walked back into the kitchen repeated the actions from the morning before. The last thought he had before he passed out again was that if he kept this up, maybe he could drink himself to death to join her.

 

On Thursday there was a knock on the door that refused to quit. He rose from his spot and struggled to make it to the door. When he opened it, he was taken aback at the bright light streaming in from the opening. He had drawn the curtains shut after he got the note, trying to block out any prying eyes. He had no clue if it was day or night up until now.

 

When his eyes finally adjusted he found a man in a black business suit waiting for him. He raised his hand in front of him to block out the afternoon sun and squinted at the man, not saying a word.

 

“Killian Jones?”

 

“Depends on who’s asking.” His voice was rough from disuse.

 

“My name is Mark Miller. I’m with Royston and Howard.”

 

“And you’re here because,” Killian trailed off, his words not really a question as much as an annoyed request for more information.

 

“I’m here regarding the estate of a Miss Emma Swan. The official reading of her will is later today, but per her request, I’m to discuss this with you privately as not to upset other parties.”

 

Killian had a fairly good idea of who the other said party was, although he couldn’t imagine what Emma could have left him that would upset David, especially considering that at the time David wouldn’t have known about them, and further more depending on when she had set everything up, there may not even have been a ‘them’ yet.

 

Killian stepped aside motioning with his head for the man to enter, closing the door behind him. The man stopped abruptly waiting for Killian to lead the way. As they entered his dinning room, he pulled out a chair for the man to sit. He collected two empty rum bottles and the one glass he had used on the first morning. On the second morning he chose to forgo the tumbler and drank straight from the bottle instead. He took the bottles to the kitchen and set them down on the counter before returned and taking a seat across from the man.

 

Already waiting for him at the table was a green folder. Killian moved to open it when the man spoke again.

 

“Miss swan bequeathed a portion of her estate to her brother. That includes all of her property here in Boston, her home, her car, and some money. She also left him anything that originally belonged to her adopted mother such as jewelry and keepsakes.”

 

Killian nodded. He wasn’t surprised that Emma left all of her stuff to David, but wondered what could have been left for him. Emma wasn’t overly sentimental.

 

“Her estate was quite sizable,” the man continued. “Based on my interactions with her, I assume that her wealth was a well-kept secret.”

 

Killian’s curiosity was peaked. Emma was a foster child that came to the Nolan’s with nothing but a small suitcase of clothing from what he understood. Her work before returning to Boston was for a non-profit, not exactly a career that paid well.

 

“I’m not sure how much you knew about Miss Swan’s beginnings.” He paused attempting to gauge Killian’s reactions. “Her first adoptive mother came from a very affluent background. Having no family remaining, she left everything to her daughter, Miss Swan. At the time, she was just a child, so the estate was left in a trust until Miss Swan came of age.”

 

That was surprising. Emma didn’t speak of Ingrid Swan often, but when she did it was always with affection. When she did talk about her, the memories she shared with him were very domestic, like baking cookies, or having picnics in the park. Add to that the fact that Emma’s tastes had always been simple, he just always assumed that it was because that’s all they could afford.

 

“Miss Swan left you the remainder of her estate, as well as a letter explaining herself. You’ll find that letter in the folder. I have some documents I need you to sign in order to have the deed to the property transferred into your name. There was a separate trust established to pay the estate taxes and well as the upkeep of the property, so you need not worry about any of that.”

 

He passed over a small stack of papers. “You’ll just need to sign next to the blue tabs.”

 

As Killian turned through the pages, signing on each dotted line without reading what he was singing, he was taken aback when he got to the last page. Right above the final signature line was Emma’s signature. His hand shook as he scribbled out his name before pushing the stack back over to the lawyer across from him.

 

The man took the papers and returned them to his briefcase. He then paused for a moment taking in a deep breath and exhaling loudly before pulling out a large manila envelope. “She also left you this, with the instructions that you be alone when you open it.”

 

He slid the envelope across the table and stood up. “I’ll see myself out now. I’m sorry for your loss.”

 

The man walked away and a few seconds later Killian heard the front door open and close. He remained seated almost in shock. He was trying to process everything that had just happened. Emma had a whole part of her life that she had kept secret from everyone, including him. She had also chosen to leave most of it to him.

 

He moved the envelope aside, deciding to look through the folder first. He pulled out a folded note and flipped through the contents of the folder. It was gorgeous. There were photographs of a large mansion surrounded by a gated-in garden. Behind the mansion stood a large stable.

 

He was breathless. He picked the note back up and read it. It was written in Emma’s own writing and dated the day Emma left Boston the first time. She had left this for him over a decade ago. The shock had returned. He wasn’t sure if he was more surprised by the fact that a teenage Emma Swan had thought ahead enough to prepare a will or that she had left him so much, before they had even dated.

 

> _Killian,_
> 
>  
> 
> _You’ll probably find it a bit odd that I’ve left you this. Knowing you, you’ll likely find it strange that I’ve left you anything at all. I have to admit that it is odd, but not as much as you may believe. Listen to me, I’m rambling on, something I only find myself doing when you’re involved. I feel that we have a connection, kindred spirits. You understand me better than anyone ever has, through no fault of their own. You know what it’s like to lose the people you love, to understand what it means to feel alone. Perhaps that is why I’ve left this for you._
> 
> _Ingrid was my first home. She made me feel wanted and loved. With her, I never wanted for anything. Her affection was all I could have ever desired. When I lost her, I lost the only family I had ever known. I was bounced from place to place after that, and even after David found me and brought me into his home, I had never felt that connection with anyone again. Don’t misunderstand me, he’s a good man, and he saved me. Him and Ruth both, and for that I will forever be grateful, but it wasn’t until you came into my life that I finally began to feel a little less lonely. In a strange way, you gave me a little bit of that feeling again, that feeling of being home._
> 
> _You told me that it was your dream to build boats of all kinds. You were so passionate as you spoke; I’ve never seen you smile so much. I think that this place, this town in Storybrooke Maine, could help you. You’ll find that there is a large stable behind the main compound. It hasn’t been used in years and sits empty. I believe that with some modifications, it would make an ideal workshop for you to build in. The property leads to a lovely portion of the coastline. There once was a dock, but as the years passed I fear the dock may be in disrepair. I believe you’ll find that there is more than enough money for you to repair it though, and to start living your dream._
> 
> _I wish I could be there to see you realize your potential. I have no doubt that you’ll be amazing, no matter what you decide to become._
> 
>  
> 
> _Emma Swan_

 

Killian could feel the tears streaming down his cheeks. They had discussed his ambitions late one evening after she had come home from tutoring August. Emma was a sponge when it came to knowledge and literature, and he was curious about what she wanted to be. Selfishly, he wanted to see if her dreams could align with his in any way. She had shrugged him off saying that she hadn’t really considered it, and asked him what he wanted to do instead.

 

He explained that his father was a retired navel officer, and that his brother had recently joined as well, but his passion was the ship itself. It took real skill and artistry to build a boat from scratch. The conversation quickly shifted when David came home from a date, and he couldn’t believe that she had remembered it.

 

As his eyes scanned the note again, he noticed that there was more writing underneath her signature in different colored ink.

 

>  
> 
> _P.S._
> 
>  
> 
> _Killian Jones. After all of these years and all of the distance time has brought between us, we somehow seemed to have found our way back to each other. I know that the years have not been kind to you, and you’ve lost far more than anyone should ever endure. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known. If I know you as well as I think I do, you feel as if building boats was simply the childish dream of a young boy who knew nothing of the world. I like to believe though, that it was the hope of a bright young man, who was lucky enough not to have been beaten down by the world yet. Please don’t let yourself lose that spark that I found all those years ago. I love you._
> 
>  

Killian allowed the floodgates to open at those last three words. Emma had never said them aloud to him. He believed she might have felt it, hoped she did, but was scared to push, scared to be the first to express his feelings to her. He had been pinning for her for years, but they had only actually been dating for a month.

 

He felt the urge to grab another bottle of rum and down it in one gulp, but fought it. This isn’t what Emma would have wanted for him. Instead, he pushed aside the note and folder and placed his attention on the envelope. It had his name written on the outside, but no other clues as to what it might hold.

 

Curiosity got the best of him as he tore it open. Inside he found a smaller envelope and another handwritten note. He read the note first, wondering if it was another gift from the heart.

>  
> 
> _Killian-_
> 
>  
> 
> _I once asked you if it was better for someone to be heartbroken over a lie or to be shattered by the truth. You told me that in the end, it wasn’t my choice to make. The choice should be left to the person involved. At the time I thought that you weren’t ready, but perhaps it was me that wasn’t ready. I was afraid that if I told you, I would lose you. How does that saying go? “None love the messenger that brings bad news.” Part of me thought that perhaps it would be better to take this secret to the grave, but as you said, the choice has never been mine. Forgive me for my cowardice in allowing the truth to be delivered to you this way. Make your choice._

> > _Emma_

 

* * *

 

 

That was hardly what he was expecting. When Emma had brought it up the first time, it had been a peculiar night. The group had been at David’s house celebrating Dave’s birthday. Killian and Emma had spent most of the evening playing drinking games as a team against David and Mary-Margaret. He had left to grab more beer out of the kitchen when he saw August out of the corner of his eye walking in through the front door. When he returned to the living room August and Emma were gone.

 

He waited for a while for them to return, trying to think about anything other than the possibly taking advantage of one of the empty rooms. Ever since Emma’s had returned almost seven months before they had been almost inseparable again, just like when they were teenagers. She had told him before that they were only friends, but perhaps she had realized her feelings for him when she was gone. The idea of them together made him queasy.

 

After about twenty minutes he decided to look for them. He started upstairs checking each of the bedrooms and bathrooms, but the only people he found upstairs were Victor and Ruby, a vision he wanted nothing more than to purge from his mind. He moved downstairs checking each room but still found nothing. Finally he made his way to the front door.

 

Through the peephole, he saw them outside on the front porch. August was looking down to the ground sheepishly while Emma was speaking with her hands animatedly. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it looked as if she was yelling at him.

 

It wasn’t until she threw her arm out pointing towards his car that August finally looked up at her, and Killian could have sworn that he saw August crying. August turned dejectedly and drove away as Emma sat down on a rocking chair on the porch.

 

Killian waited a moment so it wouldn’t be obvious that he had been spying on her. Eventually he made his way outside and into the empty rocking chair next to hers. He asked if she was all right and she remained silent for a long time. When she spoke up, her voice was soft and defeated.

 

“He’s just an idiot,” she said.

 

They sat in silence for ten minutes before he spoke up asking her if she wanted to talk about it. She shrugged her shoulders. He asked if August had cheated on her. Something about the fight had seemed like a lover quarrel, like there was betrayal beyond friendship. She told him it was something like that. The silence returned before she simply stated that he had done the one thing she could never forgive him for. Killian wanted to press her, but he knew she was done. Instead he reached out and offered her his beer, which she gratefully accepted.

 

As she swallowed the final sip, she spoke up. “Jones, can I ask you a question?”

 

He nodded and she continued. “If you had a choice, would you rather believe a lie that caused you pain, or would you rather know the truth, even if it were more devastating?”

 

He lifted his eyebrows thinking it over. “Honestly, I don’t know. I guess it would depend on the lie, and the person involved. Everyone’s different.”

 

She nodded thinking it over. Before they could speak of it anymore, she rose from her seat and took his hand. “Enough of this Jones. There’s a party in there and you and I have a title to defend.” She gave him a small smile and pulled him inside.

 

As he went to bed that night he thought of her question. He wondered if it was about her and August. Was the lie that they were happy, and the devastating truth that he had hurt her?

 

Now with the note and small envelope in his hand, he knew it was about him somehow, and that she was trying to gauge his reaction that night. What could she have known that involved him and August Booth. They only ever spoke when Emma was around.

 

He had been lied to, and apparently took it at face value. It was something that Emma realized had hurt him, but he couldn’t fathom what it was. He was living blissfully unaware of whatever the contents of the envelope were. Did he really want to shatter the illusion knowing that it would only bring him pain?

 

He thought it over. He was already in pain, and nothing could possibly make him feel worse. If he were going to do it, now was the time. He ripped the top of the envelope off and dumped the contents onto the table. It was police and medical reports.

 

The first document he picked up was a police report. As he read it, his stomach dropped. It was the report from Milah’s car accident. The report stated that Milah had been in the car with another person when the car crashed, nothing he didn’t already know. It was the next part that stood out for him though. The driver was none other that August. Why would August and Milah have been in a car together?

 

The next piece of paper he picked up was a medical report with an ultrasound attached. Killian knew that Milah was with child. She had called him up two week before her death to inform him that she had just discovered they were twelve weeks pregnant. He was overjoyed at the thought of fatherhood, and had decided that that would be his final deployment. He had left Milah alone enough, and wanted to be there to raise the child. It's what had made losing Milah so much worse, knowing that he hadn’t just lost a fiancé, but a family, their child too.

 

He scanned the ultrasound, taking note of some numbers that had been circled in sharpie marker. Eight weeks. The ultra sound was an eight week reading. He looked at the date of the ultrasound, the same day Milah had called him. Had she been mistaken?

 

The realization hit him like a truck. Twelve weeks. He had been deployed twelve weeks. Milah had told him that the child must have been conceived the night before he left. They had been having issues. Milah was upset that he was gone so often leaving her alone with his friends in Boston. Milah had been his refuge after Liam died. When he suggested moving back to Boston, she jumped at the chance stating it would be an adventure. He had already left the navy and joined the elite Special Reconnaissance Regiment, or SRR team. He tried to leave it behind once they moved, but something kept calling him to return to his unit.

 

After each deployment, he promised he was done, only to feel the pull again. They had argued about it often. Everything came to a head one night while they were over at David’s house eating dinner. The four of them were cleaning the table after eating. Everyone was in the kitchen and he had returned to grab the last dish when a picture caught his eye.

 

It was the same one he had seen the first time he had come over with David. He had his fingers to the photo tracing Emma’s face, wondering where she was, what she was doing when Milah found him. She went ballistic, saying that she was tired of always coming in second to his career, and now second to a ghost, a figment of his imagination.

 

He and Milah fought over it for weeks, and she brought up Emma during each bout. Right before Killian had left that last time, he and Milah finally had it out, laying all of their cards on the table. They had decided that they wanted to try and make it work. That was the night he thought they had conceived.

 

Twelve weeks he had been gone. If the ultrasound really was an eight-week reading, it couldn’t possibly have been his child.

 

He picked up the finally piece of paper, which revealed what he had come to suspect. Emma had somehow gotten a hold of the autopsy report, which contained DNA results. She had sent off for an independent test using one of August’s hairs for comparison, and the results showed that August was in fact the father.

 

Killian bolted for the kitchen and began retching into the sink. For the second time he had been fooled into believing he was going to be a father. Emma was right, the lie was nothing compared to the devastation of the truth.

 

Emma.

 

She had known this whole time and never told him. She kept it from him. He felt the betrayal simmering into a full on rage. Every woman he had loved betrayed him. He reached into the cabinet grabbing the last bottle of liquor in his house. Whisky. Emma’s whisky.

 

He yanked the stopper out and began chugging, wanting nothing more than to dull the emotions rushing within him. He was almost through with the bottle when another knock came from the front door.

 

He stumbled to it, nearly ripping the door off the hinges as he opened it. He found Colonel French standing in front of him. He didn’t even wait for him to speak before turning and walking away leaving the door open behind him.

 

His head already felt like someone had split it open with a hatchet but he grabbed the bottle and continued to drink.

 

“Jones,” he said warningly. “I came her with a proposition for you, but perhaps you’re not the man I thought you were if your current state is anything to go by.”

 

Killian gave him a sly smile before stumbling back over to the couch taking in the final drops of amber. “Well you’ll have to forgive me for this drunken foolishness but I’ve just discovered that my whole life has been a lie.” Killian’s accent was thickened with drink.

 

“I see. Well not to bastardize Shakespeare but there are more things in heaven and earth, Jones, than you could ever dream of.”

 

Killian laughed. “Is there a point to your wax poetic?”

 

“The point Jones,” Colonel spat back at him, “is that at some point you’re going to realize that things aren’t always what they seem. There are things at play here beyond your comprehension. I was hoping to open your eyes a bit, to one fact in particular that would have brought you a small piece of,” he paused trying to pick his next words wisely, “closure. I can see now that you’re not ready for that yet though. When you manage to pull yourself together come find me. I promise you’ll find what I have to offer worth your while.”

 

Killian heard the door shut again before passing out. When he woke again, two days had passed. It was Saturday, and Emma’s funeral. Killian had slept through the service, but Ruby had sent him a text stating that they were about to head out to the cemetery.

 

Killian didn’t even bother to shower or make himself decent. Instead he grabbed his keys and walked out the door still wearing the clothes he had put on five days ago. As he drove, he contemplated all of the events of the week. His anger rose and he was ready for a fight. He pulled up to the cemetery leaving his truck parked behind a row of other cars.

 

He stormed up to the grave site taking in all of the people present, looking for once face in particular. He found it in the front row standing next to Emma’s coffin. He didn’t even think before he charged at August grabbing him by the front of his jacket.

 

Everyone was caught of guard. Before he could get in a punch though, the arms of Phillip and Victor were pulling him off of August.

 

“I’m going to kill you,” he raved.

 

“Killian,” Phillip tried to whisper in his ear. “Not here, not now.”

 

He ignored him. “So what, you think it’s okay to sleep with another man’s fiancé. You think it’s okay to knock her up and then pretend like nothing happened?”

 

He heard gasps coming from the crowd.

 

“Killian, please don’t do this, not in front of everyone,” August pleaded. “We’re here for Emma right now.”

 

Killian let out an insane cackle. “Are you serious? You slept with Milah and knocked her up. And as for Emma, she knew and lied to me about it. She never gave a damn about me so why should I give a shit about her?” He couldn’t stop the words for pouring from his mouth fueled by his wrath.

 

The fist collided with his jaw before he even saw it coming and he was on the ground. He wanted to get up and return the favor but two sets of arms kept him pinned down to the ground.

 

He felt himself being rolled over as cold metal clamped down over his wrists. One thing he had failed to consider would be that many of Boston’s finest would be in attendance to support David. As he was dragged away and loaded into a cop car, he couldn’t help but wonder how his life had become such a wreck in such a short amount of time.

 

* * *

 

 

After sitting in jail for a day, Killian was fully sobered up and able to take stock of himself. After Ruby came to pick him up after August agreed not to press charges, she dropped him off at his house. Killian was surprised when she didn’t ask him about what had happened. Instead she told him that he needed to get his shit together, starting with a shower.

 

It had been two weeks since Emma had passed. It had been ten days since Killian had drank, ten excruciatingly long days. His anger had dwindled, replaced by shame and self-loathing. As angry as he had been at Emma, he never meant to disrupt her funeral. He hated himself for it.

 

He had avoided all of his friends, not that any of them had really sought him out after his outburst. It was when Robin had called on day eight asking if he was really coming back that Killian finally felt the pull, having nothing left keeping him in Boston. His affairs had been seen to, his bags packed and his ticket booked.

 

The flight to London was longer than he remembered as he put as much distance between him and Boston as possible. He stayed in London for one night before moving on to join Will and Robin in Qatar to join the search for the Alchemist.

 

He stepping back into the arid desert being bombarded by wave after wave of heat. As he took the last step he caught site of a familiar face and lifted his arm up to embrace him.

 

“Good to see you, Robin.”

 

“Same to you, Jones,” Robin smiled back.

 

“Oi, what am I? Chopped liver?” came Will’s snarky reply.

 

The two gave a manly hug before they lead the way to Killian’s bunk. He quickly dropped off his bags before they directed him to a building containing a small conference room that they had overtaken. It the room, boards had been set up with all of the information they had ever gathered on the Alchemist and Alice. One board was just pictures with string webbing connecting all of the major players they knew.

 

Killian walked over to it looking over everything, familiarizing himself again. He looked at the Alchemists face. His brown beady eyes and wavy brown hair stared back at him. Next to his photo was one of Alice with the words deceased written above it. He took in the woman before him and his breath hitched. The nose was slightly different, just enough, and she had been wearing a black wig, but he would have recognized those emerald green eyes anywhere.

 

“Emma?”

 


	8. Great Expectations

 

The next nine months were a blur. Discovering that the love of his life was also the woman he had spent almost two years hunting had ruined him. Anger descended upon him and everything he had ever known to be true in his life twisted and contorted under his wrath.

 

He hated everyone. Milah, the woman he was meant to marry, the woman who was meant to carry his children had forsaken him for another. She had given her flesh to another man in spite of her promise to cherish their future. And then there was Emma. She had lied to him over and over. She had betrayed their friendship for a man unworthy of anything but death. She was the reason Milah had cheated on him, the reason she was dead. If he hadn’t spent so much time and energy focused on capturing her, he would have been home with Milah starting the life they had planned.

 

David had thrown him away like garbage for loving her. Had he known who she was too? Had everyone known and kept it a secret from him, laughing behind his back at the fool that he was?

 

He let the fury spur him on in his efforts to find the Alchemist. It was no longer the pain of losing Emma that fueled him in his mission, but the pure unadulterated hate that he felt for the world. He let it wash over him and drank it in.

 

* * *

 

 

Robin and Will did what they could, but he kept them at arms length, unable to trust anyone now but himself.

 

They had restarted their investigation from the beginning trying to see if they could amass any new information now that they had Emma as a lead. She had become a ghost from the moment she left Boston as a teenager though. She had received monthly paychecks from a shell corporation posing as a non-profit organization. The shell company was another dead-end.

 

Robin tried to reach out to Jefferson as Killian had explained that they had worked together at the non-profit, but Jefferson had disappeared as well. All inquiries into him showed that he had never even existed. His social security number had been spoofed from a child that had passed away a few months after birth. All efforts to run his fingerprints had yielded nothing. There was no next of kin, no change to his financial accounts, no leads to follow.

 

Finally, Killian was forced to go to the house in Storybrooke to search it for clues. When he entered the home he was met with covered furniture and inches of dust. No one had set foot in that house in twenty years. Still, he ransacked through every cabinet and drawer. He searched every inch of the stables. There was nothing to suggest that Emma Swan had hidden any information there.

 

In fact, the only item in the entire house that could prove that Emma had even existed was a framed photograph on a nightstand in the master bedroom. In the photograph stood a blonde woman with blue eyes looking up at a blonde, green-eyed child sitting atop a horse. The child smiled at the camera while the woman beamed up at the child with immense pride. The child looked to be around four years old.

 

He felt the rage build as he thought of her, the temptress that had destroyed everything he held dear in life. He grabbed the picture and lobbed it at the opposite wall as hard as he could. Glass shattered everywhere as the frame hit the ground. He was about to step over the mess to leave and search through another room when something on the back of the picture caught his eye. It was a small handwritten caption. Emma’s first riding lesson. For a moment he felt a twinge of sadness, looking at the front of the picture. For that one moment, he allowed himself to grieve her, to grieve for young Emma. His body slid down the door frame as he clutched the photograph to his chest.

 

He missed her. It wasn’t a thought he allowed himself to dwell on ever anymore. She was the enemy and he needed to think of her that way first and foremost, but there were those fleeting seconds that passed through his mind. Seconds where he remembered sitting on the couch with her in Ruth’s house. Seconds where he could almost hear her laughter ringing through his ears still. Seconds where he remembered whispering I love you in her ears as she drifted to sleep. Seconds that shattered his heart beyond repair. Seconds that were now pure torture.

 

He missed that young girl and the carefree spirit that had captivated him. He mourned for the innocence that she had lost, and for whatever had happened to her that turned her into the monster she had become. All of the oxygen left his body and he thought he might die from the void she left. But he didn’t. With a gasp, he reawaked, as did his anger, and with that, the affection he felt for her washed away in the storm of rage that poured upon him.

 

* * *

 

 

They were no closer to finding the Alchemist after months of research. Other specialty teams from both the United Kingdom and America had come up equally short for information.

 

Both Robin and Will implored him to take a few days off and clear his head. They hoped that if he could distance himself from everything, he may be able to regain control of himself, but he refused them each time they brought it up. Instead, he insisted on going over every detail once again. And that’s when he found it.

 

On his seventh review of Jefferson’s finances he found a small memo on the back of a check that had posted the day of Emma’s funeral. It was the last transaction made, one that was seemingly innocuous. He had written a check for a donation in Emma’s name to an organization that helped foster children apply to college. At the time, it had made sense. He knew Emma well enough to know that she had spent years in the system before Ruth and David took her in. It was the perfect way to honor her memory.

 

How had he never noticed it before? In the memo section he had written a note, For Pip, The greatest expectation is love. Something about that was stuck in his mind but he couldn’t quite pinpoint it.

 

“Hey guys, do we have any persons of interest named Pip or any variation there of,” he asked Will and Robin.

 

Robin cross searched their databases and came up short. Will went through all of the physical files in their makeshift office and also found nothing. Killian wasn’t ready to let it go though. He knew there was something to it, it was too random of a note to have meant nothing.

 

He stared at the copy of the check for over forty-five minutes trying and failing to decipherer the only clue he had. It was Will who finally forced him from the room stating that it was late and he needed to sleep on it.

 

He was out almost immediately when his head hit his pillow. The clue haunted him through his dreams though in the form of memories of Emma. He dreamt of their first night together. He had been consumed with his hunger for Emma at the time that he hadn’t noticed it was his first time in her room. When he woke that next morning Emma was sleeping soundly at his side. She looked so peaceful that he didn’t want to risk disturbing her, so he laid on his back, holding her in his arms as she snuggled in closer to him.

 

Her room was scarcely decorated. The dark blue walls were empty, devoid of any pictures or paintings. Aside from her bed, she had a single dresser, one nightstand on each side of the bed, and an oversized bookshelf. There was nothing there that spoke of the room belonging to Emma except for the rows and rows of all her favorite novels filling the bookshelf. She had always been an avid reader, and all of the books on the shelf looked to be first editions, well worn around the bindings and aged in color. As he perused the books from his spot on the bed, he noticed a single empty spot, likely from whichever one she was currently reading. Emma stirred next to him and let out a small hum of content.

 

He woke with a start. It was the vividness of the dream that had startled him. He could almost smell her shampoo; feel her hair against his nose. The longer he lay in his bed, the faster his heart began to beat. It was if her ghost was lying next to him, taunting him with something he would never have again, something he shouldn't want again, but did anyway.

 

There would be no returning to sleep that night. The base they were using was small, and there was nothing to do after sunset. The only options for him were to sit in the room breathing in her spirit, or go back to his desk and try to figure out whom Pip was. The latter won out.

 

Going through the files was tedious and frustrating. He scoured through boxes and boxes of physical files from the adjoining storage room making sure that nothing had been missed with Robin scanned the physical copies into the computer database. Four hours later and there was no mention of Pip, Piper, Pippa, or Pipin. There were no locations beginning with Pip either, and that check was the only mention of it in any of Jefferson’s finances. Killian was right back at square one and the anger rose in him again.

 

He took the file he was holding and slammed it on the ground, causing a few pages to scatter on the floor. He bent over to shuffle the pages back into the folder and realized what they were.

 

Staring back as him was the Boston police’s crime scene photographs from Emma’s house after the attack. He had glanced at them briefly, but the report stated there was no physical evidence found implication a suspect, so he tossed them aside and hadn’t thought of them since. In the back of his mind, he also knew how hard it would be to see them. Her beating had been brutal, and he knew it would show.

 

Victor told him that it didn’t appear as if she had fought back, but her body had been traumatized and he hadn’t been ready to see her blood pooled on the wood floors. He needed to look them over though, for if nothing else just to make sure the police hadn’t missed something. The Alchemist was known to leave calling cards taking claim of his atrocities. He viewed it as good advertisement for his business.

 

The pictures were just as bad as he had expected, if not worse. The first three pictures were of random rooms in her house that weren’t considered part of the crime scene. David had made sure that everything was shown just in case though. It was the fourth picture that twisted his gut. Furniture had snapped in half. Glass vases had been shattered. There were three large red stains on the ground. He had to steady himself against the bile that assaulted his throat.

 

Remembering her battered body in the hospital bed and putting it with the damage in her living room brought back a flood of emotions and he wasn’t sure if the damn he built would hold. Trying to speed his way through he glanced at a few more photos of the kitchen, a bathroom, and finally her bedroom. The bed hadn’t been made, the curtains hadn’t been pulled back, and the lamp on her nightstand was still on.

 

The general consensus was that she assumed Killian had come back after checking on his house, so she didn’t think twice about checking the door, and the Alchemist drugged her. The autopsy had shown a paraplegic in her system that the Alice had favored. She never stood a chance against him.

 

He shoved all of the photos back into the folder and returned to the desk. He laid his head on the wood and closed his eyes trying to purge the images he had seen. None of them had given him any insight.

 

As he rested, sleep finally beckoned to him again. The same dreamed returned. It was torture on his senses. He noticed all of the same things again, but every touch and smell was intensified. He woke again at the same point in the dream. Why was he dreaming of this moment over and over suddenly after months?

 

Clearly his subconscious was trying to tell him something. He walked back to the storage room and grabbed the file on the top of the pile. He was careful to only pull out the last photo of Emma’s room this time. What was it about this memory that kept calling to him?

 

Nothing stuck out to him no matter how closely he looked at the picture. Her nightstand was empty except for the lamp. The bed was a tangle of sheets and blankets. There was still nothing on the walls, nothing to see outside the windows. What was it?

 

He sat back in his chair, letting his head fall back. He closed his eyes and tried to walk himself through the dream. Emma wasn’t in the photo so most of the things he experienced in the dream were irrelevant. He mentally scanned the room, and nothing was out of place between his memory and the photograph, except for the lone empty spot on the bookshelf. In the photograph it was filled, with Emma’s favorite book. How could he have missed it? She reread it once every year.

 

Great Expectations.

 

He had never read it, but he briefly remembered Emma telling him about it. The lead character was an orphan just like Emma, which is what drew her to it in the first place. It was a story of love, loss, pain, and deception, all things Emma was intimately familiar with.

 

He couldn’t remember any of the specifics of the book though. He logged onto the nearest computer a searched for a synopsis of the book. The lead character’s name was Pip, and he knew he was on to something. He scanned the plot of the book, but not much stood out to him. Emma was similar to Pip is some aspects, that much was clear, but nothing gave him any indication of where to search next.

 

As he was mulling over the new information he had discovered, the sun rose and Robin and Will joined him. He explained what he had found and the three of them regrouped.

 

Killian and Robin went through the plot of the book again, both agreeing that it must mean something, but they hadn’t a clue of what. It was Will’s insight that surprised both men.

 

“Isn’t it obvious?” He looked astonished that the two men were shocked that he may have an answer for them. “Did you both skip your basic literature courses? Pip went to Cairo to make amends after a rejected marriage proposal before finally returning home to set things right. Sound like anyone we know?”

 

“Wait,” Robin cut in, “are you trying to say that Emma was in Cairo before coming home? Don’t you think you’re being a bit too literal?”

 

Will sighed. “Perhaps, but add in the part about love being the greatest expectation. Pip was rejected, went to Cairo, and the made it home to the woman he had always loved where they were finally able to be together. I’m willing to stake my entire ration of ale on it.”

 

Killian rolled his eyes. It seemed like a stretch but it was the only they had. Robin searched for any incidences matching the Alchemist’s profile around Cairo in the last five years. Buried under thousands of stories of civil unrest and terrorist activities, was one small blurb about a family that died of suspicious causes. No autopsies were performed due to family wishes, but the symptoms the victims exhibited matched.

 

They couldn’t get any information on the incident from their current location so the three men packed up and headed Cairo West Air Base. From there they would be able to access medical records, news articles, and possibly surveillance evidence from just before the deaths.

 

* * *

 

 

June was not the ideal time to be spending days in the arid desert. The building they were using had no air conditioning, and all three men were sweating out liquids faster than they could take them in.

 

They had been there for a week combing though everything they could get their hands on. Will’s literary analysis had paid off. The coroner's report was basic but substantiated their theory that the Alchemist had drugged the family, although they still weren’t sure why.

 

There was no real-time video surveillance of the area to see who was coming or going just before the family became ill, but a news article had managed to capture a photograph of the front of the house after the family had passed. In the background of the photograph, a woman dressed in camel colored trousers, a cream colored sweater, and a shawl wrapped around her head, with only a sliver of golden blonde hair peaking out.

 

Killian knew in his bones that it was Emma. She had been there, part of the attacks. She had been with the Alchemist from the beginning, reigniting his hatred of her. Unfortunately, all clues ended there. The lack of police reports or physical evidence left them at a dead-end.

 

Killian was at his wits end ready to give up. Why was he even there anymore? Emma had been a villain who got what was coming to her. He didn’t need to avenge her death. The Alchemist was a horrible person, but was he really Killian’s problem? Not currently. Killian’s only issue at that moment was that he was pissed and sober.

 

While the base didn’t have an official bar, as visiting American soldiers weren’t allowed to drink, there was a building at the rear of the base that flew under the radar.

 

The building was originally one large room, but had since been partitioned separating it into two ones. The smaller room was understood to be reserved for higher commanding officers, so most of the people were milling around in the front area. Killian walked up to a makeshift bar made of crates and minifridges, and grabbed an ale, dropping a few dollars into a silver bucket.

 

He sat on a stool in the corner of the room nursing his drink, trying to decide whether or not he should walk away. Everyone he knew had turned his or her backs on him. There was no one counting on him to bring justice to Emma’s killer. Emma wasn’t the innocent victim he originally thought she was. It was all on him now. Did he want to continue, or walk away and start over somewhere new?

 

As he sat there, contemplating his options, he completely missed the man who had approached him.

 

“Lieutenant Jones, your presence has been requested in the other room.”

 

Killian looked the man over. He was wearing an American army uniform, with not a hair out of place. Killian hoped that if he ignored him long enough, that he would go away, but instead the man stood at attention. He groaned internally before standing and moving to the smaller room in the back.

 

There was nothing different about that space. Nothing fancy that set it off from the room in the front. The only difference he could see was the lack of bodies. In fact, there was only one body present. Colonel French.

 

Fuck he thought to himself. Everything started falling into place in that instant. Jefferson had been a partner of sorts to Emma. Colonel French was in Cairo. The alchemist and his team were going after anyone who had knowledge of him. It only stood to reason that Jefferson had spied on them talking in the hospital and sent a hidden message to the Alchemist telling him where he could find Colonel French.

 

“Jones, please.” The colonel motioned to Killian to take the seat next to him. “I have to admit, I thought you’d arrive here sooner.”

 

Killian furrowed his brows at him. Had his team already discovered the threat to his life? “I’m sorry?”

 

“We have access to the same information regarding your girlfriends death. I assume we followed the same trail.”

 

Killian tensed. “I wouldn’t call her my girlfriend. Just someone I once knew, or should I say someone I once thought I knew.”

 

“Ah, so I take it you know of her other identity then?”

 

Anger began simmering inside Killian. The colonel had known all along and was playing games with him. “How long have you known?”

 

“To which part? How long have I known about Cairo, or how long have I known that Miss Swan also went by Alice?”

 

Killian could felt his jaw muscles clenching as his fists balled up on the tabletop.

 

“Since the beginning, for both questions.”

  
“And you’ve just let me and my team run around in circles for your amusement?”

 

The colonel took in a death breath sensing Killian’s tension.

 

“No. I’ll admit, I thought you would decipher to clue faster than you did, but to your credit, you are the only team so far that had figure out even this much.”

 

“You mean aside from your team?” Killian took a swig of beer hoping it might dull his emotions.

 

“Not exactly.” He saw Killian’s look of confusion so he quickly continued. “My team was ahead of the game, so studying the clues to find the next avenue of action wasn’t really necessary.”

 

Killian thought on that. His team had been leaps and bounds ahead of every other team out there.

 

“I told you once that I had intended to invite you to join my team, but that you weren’t ready at the time. Are you ready now?”

 

Not ten minutes earlier Killian had considered walking away completely, and now he was being asked if he was finally ready to take the next step. The irony wasn’t lost on him.

 

“If I were, what would that mean?”

 

Killian could see a spark of hope in the colonel’s eyes. “Unfortunately, your current clearance level prevents me from discussing it with you. It’s a catch twenty-two I’m afraid. You have to agree before I can brief you, and if you agree and I brief you, there’s no walking away. So you’ll have to decide now, are you in or out.”

 

“And I don’t suppose I get time to think about it?”

  
“Sorry, Jones, but I’m flying out tomorrow morning. It’s now or never.”

 

Screw irony. How was he supposed to make this life altering decision spur of the moment without any information? He stared at the table, trying to will an answer to pop into his head. He had already spent the better part of three years chasing this man. Was it worth giving up more of his life to catch him, or was he already so far in that giving up now would have been the waste?

 

His thoughts drifted to Emma. As teenagers she had been the lone ray of sunshine for him. What happened that sent her down such a dark path? If he had just summoned up the courage to tell her how he felt, would she have left, would she still be the innocent girl he fell madly in love with? Every question lead to another question, and in the end he realized that what he needed most was answers so he could have closure.

 

“And if I say yes, what happens to my team?”

 

“That would be up to you. You seemed to believe in them when last we spoke. Has that changed?”

 

“No.” That answer was easy. If it hadn’t been for Will, he wouldn’t have even made it this far. “Then you’ll speak for them. You’ll decide, but again, I need to know now.”

 

“They’re in.” Killian hoped he wasn’t damning his team. He knew that if asked they would follow him to the end of the world, but making such a call without their consent felt like a violation. He could only hope they understood.

 

“Very well. Have your team pack up all of their belongings and information. Meet my in hanger four at oh five hundred hours.”

 

“And where, might I ask, are we going.”

 

The colonel stood up and walked to the exit.

 

“That’s classified for now. I’ll make sure you all have upgraded clearance by the time we land.”

 

And with that, the colonel was gone and Killian felt like his soul had been sold away to the highest bidder. 

 

* * *

 

 

When the team landed, green fields and trees greeted them. It was a far cry from the desert they had just left. There were a few scattered buildings that looked as if they were in ruins, and a high fence with a barbwire top acting as a barrier. Nothing about it screamed high security.

 

“Gentlemen,” the colonel gestured outwards, “welcome to Serbia, where it all started.”

 

The men grabbed their packs and hauled them in line behind the colonel, stopped abruptly when they came to the entrance of a crumbling building.

 

“I know what you’re thinking, but don’t be fooled. There’s no better to place to hide than in plain site.”

 

The colonel continued into the building to the back wall, where a small thermostat box was fixed in place. Killian thought it odd as he didn’t remember seeing any air conditioning units outside, but perhaps they had been picked off. The colonel walked up to the thermostat and lifted the cover off. He turned the temperature dial up and down, before turning it back up again like a combination. When he finished, a portion of the wall slide into itself reveling a set of elevator doors.

 

The colonel stepped up to the door where he was greeted by a retinal scanner. The elevator doors opened and all four men crammed into the elevator before he continued.

 

“According to one of our agents, this was the first site he used. The agent in question managed to discover that the Alchemist had been born here, but that his family was run out of town for something his father did. His mother was humiliated and left him alone with his father, who later abandoned him as well, so when it came time to find his first test site, he couldn’t resist getting back at the people that destroyed his family.

 

My agent came here to investigate and see if there was anything else to be learned, but as you can see, there wasn’t much left, but I saw the opportunity. We built a base down below the ruins, in the once place we knew meant so much to him, but that he would never return to.”

 

The elevator came to a halt and the doors slid open.

 

“This way gentleman.”

 

Killian, Robin, and Will followed him taking in the enormous scale of the base. From the outside, he never would have guess that anything was there. As they walked down corridors they passed a gym, a dinning hall, and a medical office. As they turned a corner, Killian could hear mumbled voices coming from a room at the end of the hall.

 

The colonel lead them into the room and Killian stopped in his tracks just before the doors, at the sound of a woman’s laughter. Will had to push him forward and he felt his stomach flip.

 

“Jones, I believe you already know all three members of my team, but for the rest of you may I introduce Agent Humbert, Agent Hatter and Agent Swan.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can come yel at me on tumblr: wellhellotragic


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